Free Follow the Dotted Line by Nancy Hersage Page A

the cremains.”
    All eyes now returned to Harley, who was still holding the FedEx package.
    “They can get DNA from ashes?” Lil asked, skeptically.
    “No,” Sam informed them. “It’s almost impossible to get DNA after cremation. Don’t you people know anything about science?”
    “But this company we found online said they could test for DNA,” said Harley. “And we had to fill out a Cremains Acknowledgement Form and everything. And they promised we’d get most of the ashes back. For burial. Or whatever.”
    “To be accurate, they said there was a 50/50 chance they could get DNA from their testing,” said Andy, trying not to look as ridiculous as she was feeling. “I thought it was worth a try.”
    “We’ll that sounds like a scam, Mother. So I’m not even going to ask you what you paid,” said Sam. “Your bad. Now open the package.”
    Harley tried to hand the box to Andy, but she waved him off. You do it, genius, she thought to herself, then said, “Would you mind?”
    He dutifully slit the clear plastic wrap covering the cardboard with his fingernail and took out the paper envelope addressed to Andy. She waved her hand again, and he opened the letter.
    “Read it,” she said, draining her glass.
    “Dear Ms. Bravos,” Harley read. “Please find enclosed the laboratory results for the cremains testing performed by our company on the samples you sent us recently.”
    “Wait a minute,” Sam interrupted. “Didn’t you have to send them a sample of Dad’s DNA for comparison?”
    “Yeah,” was all Andy felt compelled to answer.
    “So how did you get Dad’s DNA?”
    “I, ah, had some,” Andy replied. “From a while ago.”
    “You had some? Really? From a while ago? Care to enlighten us?” said Sam.
    “Not really. But if I do, there will be no laughter, is that clear?” She could see Sam biting her lip in anticipation. “I mean it.” Both girls nodded agreement. “I have a lock of your father’s hair,” Andy said. “From when we were dating.”
    Sam couldn’t help herself. A guffaw, if ever Andy heard one! She scowled back.
    Lil put her hand on her mother’s and smiled affectionately. “I think that’s sweet.”
    “Shut up,” said Andy. “Let’s get this over with.”
    Harley continued. “The specifics of the test results are contained on page two of this letter. However, a summary of our findings indicates the following. Number one, the sample cremains were not suitable to extract for a DNA profile.”
    “Bingo!” Sam said.
    Having slipped from defensive to defeated in record time, Andy sighed audibly. “Would you mind, Sam? Let’s not make me feel like a bigger fool than necessary.”
    Sam relented immediately. “Right. I’m sorry, Mom.”
    “Want me to read number two?” Harley asked.
    “Number two?” said Andy.
    “Of the summary. Number two says, ‘The sample cremains show no signs of organic material and therefore do not, in all likelihood, include human tissue.’” Harley looked up, awaiting further instruction.
    “Let me see the letter,” Sam said, taking the paper from Harley. She looked first at page one and then at page two. “It means the ashes are probably fake,” she said.
    “Probably?” Lil wanted to know.
    Sam grabbed the invoice. “The test cost $99, Lil. I doubt these folks can tell the difference between a corpse and cat litter.”
    “But if there’s no organic material present,” Andy reiterated, reading the results for herself, “that means Tilda sent us dust.”
    It took a few moments for the implications to sink in. And the one that sank in fastest was the bizarre behavior of the widow-in-chief.
    “Why on earth would Tilda send fake ashes?” asked Sam.
    “Maybe she just wanted to keep his real ashes for herself,” Lilly theorized. “We all agree she’s weird.”
    “Or maybe it’s her way of flipping us off,” Sam offered.
    “Or maybe he’s not dead,” said Andy, trying to squeeze herself back into the conversation. It