Free How To Tame Beasts And Other Wild Things by A. Wilding Wells

cups of lemonade then hand them out.
    “We hit the library book sale this morning and added another thirty titles to your bookmobile. We’re not staying. We’ll be back around two for fishing.”
    “Thanks. We’d go out earlier, but I’ve got errands to run.” I turn my head when the screen door creaks open as Boner pushes it. “Two sounds about right.”
    “I have to ask,” Alfie says. He leans close to me. His eyes are filled with questions as he nods to the upstairs windows.
    “Alfie… Cool it. Nothin’ is going on,” I say before he gets going with an interview.
    He waves his fingers at me as he purses his lips. “That didn’t look like nothing, you two sitting on the porch… Looked like—”
    “Nothing,” I scold. How long am I going to keep this charade up? And why? I dig for something only to come up with, “We’re related. It’s too complicated.” All true. But I’m getting weaker by the day.
    “I smell bullshit. Related? Please. Lavinia is gone. It’s been over two years. You have a gorgeous woman living in your home. Does she not do anything for you?”
    Anything? Fuck yes. She does everything for me. That’s the problem. I want to kiss her like we’re inventing the idea. I want the sort of kiss that would be rude to do in front of others. I want a kiss that’ll find my heaven and kill my fucking demons. More than anything, I want that kiss to answer her prayers. I’m a walking contradiction.
                  “Related. Right,” Alfie says.
                  I gaze up to the just-slammed bedroom window. Matilda’s.

10
     
    Matilda
     
     
     
    Inside me, the adventurous find
Quests and treasures of every kind.
Trolls, goblins, orcs, and more await
Within my closed walls for
All those that wish to visit me.
Your hands are the key
To secrets untold,
And your mind will unlock the door.
What am I?
 
    A Book
     
     
    Complicated. How many times is he going to use that word in relation to me? Obviously it’s so complicated that he walked out of the shower with a hard-on weeks ago without doing a darn thing. Then as days passed, we flirted and flirted some more. Then I got stung by that horny bee. He saw all of me, spread wide and vulnerable, and there’s been nothing since the stinger removal. Maybe he didn’t like what he saw. I can’t bear to bring it up. And, I’m not going to depress myself over the fact that I got a ram off today, but can’t get Balthazar’s lips anywhere near me. Now there’s a thought that could sink a girl’s confidence.
    He’s in town for errands, I hate to bother him, but since he’s been acting so nicely today, I suppose I can shoot him a text and ask him to stop at the drug store for a few things.
    Me : Could you pick up some tampons and C batteries please? Thnx.
    Balthazar : What for?
    Me : For my vagina. Duh!
    Balthazar : You put batteries up there?
    Me : Yeah…I enclose them in a wondrous, plastic baton that vibrates and brings me copious amounts of joy!
    Balthazar : No
    Me : Seriously? No dinner and nothing sweet!
    Balthazar : I don’t buy that crap
    Me : Tampons or batteries?
    Balthazar : I’ll get the batteries
    Me : But you won’t buy tampons? Too manly to buy them? Do you need my foot shoving your ass into this century? Christ how much testosterone is in you?
    Balthazar : How many times a week do you do it?
    Me : That’s none of your business perv!
    Balthazar : It’s a math question. I’m trying to figure out how fast you burn through those suckers. You want 4 or 24?
    Me : 8 and tampons. Pretty please, with something sweet on top!
    Balthazar : Bloody hell
    Me : Exactly and soon. That’s why I’m asking. Thank you, tough, burly man.
    It has to be rounding ninety degrees as I take the twins out to the lake for a little adventure before our fishing trip. We each have a bucket for collecting nature finds. As we stroll along the edge of the lake, we come across oodles of tiny turtle hatchlings. I scream at