Free Inspector Rumblepants and the Case of the Golden Haggis by Mike Blyth

Nailard,” said the Chief Inspector, handing over the secret note. “I have just discovered that we have a traitor in our midst and that Inspector Rumblepants and Sergeant Widebottom are in great danger.”
    Nailard ran his hands worriedly through his hair. He summarized the trouble bluntly, “One of the Scottish policemen assisting them is a traitor.”
    â€œYes,” Grumpibugger said grumpily. “Our agents are working in Scotland on a top-secret mission, and they may be led into a trap. Unfortunately, we don’t know the identity of the traitor yet.”
    Inspector Nailard gave the note back to the Chief Inspector and flicked his wrist. A dagger appeared like magic and spun in a blur through the air, striking a map posted on the wall, the blade sticking out of Scotland.
    â€œMy FART team will be there by tomorrow!” he promised with a snarl. “No harm will come to the Inspector and Sergeant when my team is there to protect them, because no one beats our British FART! We will help get to the bottom of this case.” With that oath, he twirled around and swaggered from the Chief Inspector’s office.
    Chief Inspector Grumpibugger walked over to the map, noticing that a dribble of water was running from where the blade had struck it.
    â€œSilly Nailard,” Grumpibugger said. “He has hit a water pipe again. I wish he would stop doing that.”

    In Scotland, Agent Amber had been thinking about what to do with the huge gypsy leader. She decided to swing him upside down from a large tree.
    The gypsy leader had fear in his eyes, because he’d seen what she was capable of. Sweat sprang up on his forehead and ran down into his wide eyes. The rest of his gang were still unconscious and tied to trees, some of them slowly starting to wake up.
    â€œAre you sure this is legal?” asked Inspector Rumblepants, looking at the red-faced man swinging upside down. “I have read nothing about this technique in the police training manual,” he added.
    Sergeant Widebottom said, “Yes, but the police team in London sometimes used this method after you had gone home, Sir. That’s why whenever you questioned the criminals the next day, they would quickly tell you where they had stashed the stolen loot.”
    The Inspector looked at the Sergeant angrily. “No, I don’t believe you. It was my interrogation techniques, Sergeant—not your hanging them upside down all night—that made them confess.”
    Agent Amber chirped happily. “It is an approved practice where I’m from within the secret service. It’s detailed on page twelve in the secret service booklet, How to Persuade People to be Truthful.” She turned to her captive.
    â€œAre you doing okay hanging there, Mr. Gypsy?” she politely inquired with concern. “Your face has a bit of color this way,” she said sweetly.
    She looked over to the two policemen and said, “Perhaps you’re right, Inspector Rumblepants. Maybe we should let him down for a minute before we start to ask him questions. He looks a tad unhappy up there.”
    The gypsy looked at Agent Amber in fear. “This is a trick!” he cried out. “One minute, you are fighting my men and hanging me upside down from a tree. The next minute, you are pretending to be kind.” He looked desperately around for help. “You are utterly mad, completely bonkers. I give up. What do you want to know? I will tell you everything,” he croaked in panic.

    â€œGosh, it does work,” said Agent Amber, surprised. “And we haven’t even got to the tickling stage, which is the best part! I am disappointed. Well, I suppose I do want to know who sent you, where the Golden Haggis is, and why it was stolen,” she stated firmly, peering into the gypsy’s eyes as she spoke. “In addition, can you tell me if there are any good shoe stores around here? I seem to have gotten mine a