Free Chanelle Hayes - Baring My Heart by Chanelle Hayes Page A

Christine arranged a meeting with Nan first for a week on Saturday. When that day came, I was so nervous I nearly called it off. But Christine picked me up and said, ‘Come on. You can do this. If you hate it, you never need go again.’
    When we pulled up outside her house in Sheffield, she led me to the door and rang the bell. After a couple of minutes, this little old lady opened the door and just stared at me agog, as if she’d seen a ghost. After a couple of seconds, her face lit up.
    ‘So you must be Chanelle!’
    She reached out for me and gave me a hug. I felt like a plankof wood and, when she finally let me go, she was crying. She was really frail and seemed quite weak.
    ‘I’ve dreamed of meeting you for years and years,’ she whispered, clutching my hand and holding it firmly. ‘You look exactly like your mother. It’s just unbelievable.’
    She studied my face again. ‘I had no idea you would be the spitting image of Andrea. I’m so shocked.’
    As she led us into the lounge, I noticed old black-and-white photos of my mum, in which she did look astoundingly like me.
    Over a cup of milky tea, Nan and I took the first tentative steps towards getting to know each other. It was so nice to meet her but I couldn’t get my head round the fact that the elderly woman before me was my own flesh and blood. This was my nan – someone I should have visited every weekend during my childhood and drawn pictures and bought endless bottles of sherry for. But I had been denied all of that. Could we even begin making up for that now?
    We talked for an hour or so and she was genuinely so sweet – asking about my studies at school, what my hobbies were and that kind of stuff. When it came time to leave, she took my hand again.
    ‘Please come and see me again soon, Chanelle. I’m not getting any younger and we’ve a lot of lost time to make up for.’
    ‘Yes, I’ll come back soon,’ I promised. In retrospect, I only wish I could have realised the significance of her words then and how little time we actually had.
    As Christine drove me home, she asked me what I’d made of Nan. I thought for a while.
    ‘It was really hard.’
    ‘Why? Didn’t you like her?’
    ‘No, it’s not that,’ I stammered. ‘She’s adorable. It’s just, well, I just don’t know how I’m meant to react.’
    Seeing Nan cry upon meeting me had left me feeling so confused – should I have cried too?
    A couple of days later, my mixed feelings made a little more sense to me. ‘I know what’s really bothering me,’ I told Christine. ‘Nan loved my mum to pieces but I can’t share that love because it’s for someone I’ve never known.’
    ‘Go on,’ Christine urged. ‘Keep talking.’
    ‘I just feel a bit cheated really. I’m gutted that I didn’t get to spend any time with my mum, and both my sisters and my Nan did. It’s not fair, is it?’
    ‘I think you’ve hit the nail on the head,’ Christine said, nodding. ‘But you mustn’t feel guilty about it. Don’t be too hard on yourself.’
    Two weeks later, she accompanied me to Maria’s house so I could meet my sisters. Nan was there too and, when we arrived, Maria and Melissa ran to the door and both burst into tears as soon as they saw me.
    ‘Oh my God, she is just like our mum!’ Maria choked.
    ‘I told you, didn’t I?’ said Nan, reaching out for me.
    ‘It’s unbelievable,’ Melissa added, staring at me intensely.
    I swallowed hard and said politely, ‘Hi. It’s very nice to meet you both.’
    As Nan ushered us into the lounge, I realised we were not alone. There was a baby sleeping in one corner of the room and another little boy playing with his toys on the floor.
    ‘Meet your nephews, Chanelle,’ said Maria. ‘This is baby Euan and my other son, Luke. Say hello to your aunty, Luke.’
    They were so cute but it was a lot to take in. Suddenly, I had two sisters and my own nephews! My brain felt like it was spinning.
    ‘Hi, Luke,’ I managed. ‘How old