Free Chanelle Hayes - Baring My Heart by Chanelle Hayes

Maria and Melissa and, through them, find the rest of the family but it is entirely your decision.
    It has been a rather difficult letter to write but I have done my best. Assuring you once more of our love for you, I will close this letter. I will always be thinking of you and wondering how you are. Goodbye, love, and please try to contact your sisters.
    All my love for always, from Nan xxx
    Phew. What a colossal thing to take in. I felt moved beyond words and sat utterly speechless on my bed.
    ‘Are you OK?’ Mum asked.
    I nodded. ‘It’s just so beautiful. I don’t know what to think.’
    ‘We knew it would upset you. That’s why we had to wait until you were older. It’s a hell of a lot for you to take in.’
    I took a deep breath and started to look through the photos she’d enclosed with the letter. The first thing I noticed was how much I looked like my real mum. It really was spooky, as if I was seeing old black-and-white pictures of myself from another lifetime. There was one shot of her cradling me as a baby – I can only have been about a month old when it was taken – and it’s one of my most treasured possessions. I keep it next to my bed even now.
    Next, I turned to the letter my two sisters had sent.
    Maria wrote:
    Chanelle, I will love you always.
    I just hope you will try to find me when you want. I want you to keep the photos and locket always (even if you don’t want to find your proper family). I will understand if you don’t want to get to know me, Melissa and your nan because I know how hard it is. Lots and lots of love always, Maria xxxx
    And Melissa had written, ‘Chanelle, yes, I am your sister. I just want you to know I love you very much. Please do not forget me because I love you a lot. Your own sister, Melissa x’
    It was short and sweet but equally touching – especially from a nine-year-old.
    The letters threw me into turmoil because I knew I had to get in touch. I’d never thought about seeing them before because I was so young and they just weren’t on my radar. It’s like being told you’ve got a distant second cousin out there somewhere. You might think, ‘Oh, right. That’s nice,’ but you don’t drop everything and try and find them. Also, I guess, subconsciously, it would have seemed disrespectful to Mum and Dad to open that can of worms.
    But now the invitation was on the table, it was different. I needed to know if my nan was still alive, for starters. She sounded like such a lovely lady from her letter.
    After I had read and re-read all the letters a few times, Mum said, ‘Christine at Social Services was wondering, would you like to meet them all?’
    ‘Um, I think I would,’ I said and nodded. ‘If you and Dad don’t mind.’
    She shook her head. ‘No, we’d never deny you that chance. You have our full support, whatever you want to do.’
    So I discussed it with Christine and told her that I was keen but also terrified.
    ‘What are you frightened of?’ she asked.
    ‘I’ve never been part of their family, so they might hate me,’ I admitted. ‘A lot of time has passed since they wrote those letters.’
    She smiled. ‘I’m sure they won’t hate you. The link you have is so strong, it might bring you together.’
    But she also warned me that meeting them could open up a lot of new wounds. ‘As much as you have in common, it may still be very difficult and painful for you all. So much time has passed and you know nothing about each other, so it won’t be plain sailing. This is a decision you have to weigh up very carefully.’
    I thought hard about what Christine said but I knew instinctively it was something I had to do, so I told her to go ahead and contact them. She got back to me almost straight away and said, ‘Right, I’ve approached your sisters and your nan and all three want to see you.’
    ‘Wow. OK,’ I said. This was really going to happen.
    We agreed that to see all three of them at once might be a little overwhelming, so