Free Punk'd and Skunked by R.L. Stine

Chapter 1
PPP
    â€œDudes, here’s a spelling lesson,” I told my friends. “How do you spell excitement ?”
    Belzer scratched his head. “Does it start with an X ?”
    I patted him on the back. “Nice try.”
    Belzer grinned his lopsided grin. “It was a lucky guess,” he said.
    â€œYo, Belzer,” Feenman said. “Do big noses run in your family?”
    â€œI’ve heard that joke,” Belzer said.
    Feenman grinned. “Who’s joking ?”
    â€œGive it a rest,” I said. I pulled Feenman, Crench,Belzer, Nosebleed, and Billy the Brain into the Common Room. “ This is how you spell excitement, ” I said.

    That’s me, see. I’m Bernie Bridges. Some people call me Grandmaster Dude, King of All the Fourth Graders. But I’d never say anything like that. I’m waaay too modest.
    But when I have news, I have NEWS. That’s why I dragged all my guys into the Common Room. It’s a big room with couches and chairs, a TV, and a game table. It’s like our living room.
    You probably go home every day after school. But Rotten School is a boarding school. That means we live here, in a dorm. It’s actually a falling down, old house called Rotten House. It’s the best dorm on campus—mainly because Bernie B. lives here.
    Oops. There I go, being modest again!
    My friend Beast was chewing a couch cushion. It took three guys to pull him away.
    Beast is a good guy. But we’re not sure if he’s really human. He’s too hairy to be a human. And last week he got caught chewing his initials into a tree trunk.
    I like him. But I keep my fingers away from his mouth.
    I stood at the head of the game table. “Dudes, I know you’re wondering why I invited you here,” I said.
    Crench rolled his eyes. “Bernie, we know why,” he said. “You want to have a poker game tonight. But we can’t.”
    â€œWe’re broke,” Feenman said. “You already took all our money. I swear!”
    I made a spitting sound. “Forget poker games,” I said. “That’s small potatoes. I’ve got something BIG. Something exciting with a capital X !”
    Now I had their attention. I pulled open my school blazer so they could see my T-shirt.
    They all stared at it. Belzer sounded out the letters.
    â€œBernie, what’s your problem?” Nosebleed asked. “Why does that say PPP on it?”
    Beast tossed his head back and hee-hawed. “ P-P-P . Get it? Get it?”
    Crench tugged the front of my shirt. “If you have to go pee-pee, why wear a shirt about it?”
    I pushed his hands away. “Crench, what did I tell you about trying to make a joke?
    Do you want to strain your brain for life?”
    â€œWell, what does PPP stand for?” Billy the Brain asked.
    YES! I even stumped the class brainiac!
    â€œI’ll tell you,” I said.

    But it’ll take a whole chapter to explain it. Keep reading, everyone….

Chapter 2
DROOLING
    I tapped the letters on my shirt. “ PPP stands for Preppy Prep Prep,” I said. “You guys heard of it?”
    Belzer scratched his greasy hair. “You mean you don’t have to go pee-pee?”
    â€œPreppy Prep Prep,” I repeated.
    â€œThat snooty prep school across town?” Billy asked.
    I flashed him two thumbs-up. “You got it, ace. You heard about this school, right? It’s wall-to-wall rich kids. They have servants to carry their fat wallets for them!”
    Beast hee-hawed again. “ P-P-P . Get it?”

    â€œI heard about that school,” Crench said. “The kids all have butlers to dress them in the morning.”
    â€œThey drive to class on Ferrari motor scooters,” Feenman said. “Every room has a Jacuzzi. And they have steaks every day for lunch and dinner!”
    â€œI heard they have steaks for breakfast, too!” I said. “They’re filthy rich! Filthy rich!