looking so unkempt. When she'd imagined this confrontation – and she had, often – she was wearing a suit and heels so she could look him in the eye and show him that she was confident and successful. But the reality was very different. She felt lousy, looked lousy and her confidence was shaky at best. In contrast, Neil looked great and relaxed, which was very annoying. He had no reason to feel comfortable.
'You've grown up,' Neil said, ignoring her irritation.
'Being robbed and deserted in a foreign country has that effect,' she spat.
His eyes held hers. 'I can't tell you how much I regret doing that to you. It's tortured me every day we've been apart.'
'Not so much to make you come back or return the money. You're only here now because of Sam.'
He produced a small envelope from the back pocket of his jeans and set it down on the table next to her hand. 'That's what I owe you, with interest.'
Dee stared at it. 'It still doesn't make it all right, Neil. It's been nearly five years!'
'I know that and you're right; I probably wouldn't have come if I hadn't seen the photo. But the only reason I stayed away, Dee, is because I knew you were better off without me.'
'Oh, right, you were doing me a favour, is that it?' she said angrily.
'Yes, Dee, I was,' he said, holding her gaze.
'Well, you did the right thing then. I didn't need you then and I certainly don't need you now and neither does Sam.'
'I can understand that you're angry—'
'Can you? Can you really? You know what, Neil, I don't think you know or understand anything about me and I certainly don't think you care.'
'You're wrong. I treated you very badly and that's haunted me since we parted.'
'That's bullshit and you know it!'
He sighed. 'Okay, it's true that when we split, all I could think about was the next bet. But once I stopped gambling, I fully realized how terribly I'd treated you and how much I must have hurt you.'
'Don't flatter yourself, I was better off without you,' she said again. 'So are you back in Ireland for good now?' she asked, wondering exactly what he was after.
He kept his eyes on the newspaper in his hand. 'I'm not sure yet but when I saw the picture' – he smiled slightly – 'I had to come.'
'You can't see him,' Dee said hurriedly. 'He's not even here today—'
'It's okay, I didn't expect to meet him. I just wanted to talk about him and about you. I just wanted to catch up.'
'So what do you want to know?' she asked, thinking that the sooner she told him what he wanted to hear, the sooner she could get rid of him.
Dee was startled when his face split into a huge smile.
'Everything, every little detail,' he urged. 'When did you find out you were pregnant? You must have been so frightened. I wish I'd been here for you but I would have been more of a hindrance than a help.' He smiled at her again. 'I bet you were beautiful when you were pregnant.'
'I was big, awkward and I suffered badly with wind,' Dee said sharply but in fact he was right. She had blossomed when she was pregnant and she'd revelled in her round, ripe body and loved the sensation of her child moving within her. 'I was only home a couple of weeks when I found out I was pregnant. I did consider abortion because the last thing I wanted was your child,' she added, hoping to hurt him.
He winced but nodded in understanding and waited for her to continue.
'But they did a scan and I saw this tiny heart beating and I knew I couldn't do it.'
Neil smiled.
'I had a relatively easy pregnancy,' she continued, 'although Pauline was a thorn in my side at the time. Do you remember Pauline?'
'The aunt from hell, how could I forget? She hated me. Wasn't she at least happy that you came home without me?'
'She'd have been happier if I wasn't carrying your baby. Finally she'd thought I was getting my life back on track and going to college, and bam, I'm pregnant. She totally lost it with me. My Uncle Jack had to almost drag her out of the house. She screamed at me that I had