Free Nectar in a Sieve by Kamala Markandaya

the women were laughing at him indulgently, the children were twittering with pleasure.
    "Whatever will they say," I said, my face burning as he let me down again. "At our age too! You ought to be ashamed!"
    "That I am not," he said, winking, to the vast delight of the onlookers. "I am happy because life is good and the children are good, and you are the best of all."
    What more could I say after that?
    Nathan sang loudly all the way back. He was in high spirits. The children, tired out, clumped along in silence, the youngest with frequent pleas to be carried; and when we took no notice he began snuffling.
    It was a very hot night -- Selvam and Ira were sleeping out in the open, in the small square in front of our hut which I had swept and washed with dung that morning. The others stretched themselves out and were asleep almost as they lay down. Nathan had lost none of his good humour. He seemed very wide awake. I stretched myself out beside him, close to him in the darkness, and as we touched he turned abruptly to wards me. Words died away, the listening air was very still, the black night waited. In the straining darkness I felt his body moving with desire, his hands on me were trembling, and I felt my senses opening like a flower to his urgency. I closed my eyes and waited, waited in the darkness while my being filled with a wild, ecstatic fluttering, waited for him to come to me.

     

    CHAPTER XI

    ONE of my husband's male relatives had died and he had to attend the funeral. When he had gone I took the opportunity of going to see Kenny. I had not done so before because I was sure Nathan would not like his wife or his daughter going to a white man, a foreigner. My father had been different -- but Nathan, I felt, would not approve. And if he did not, the one chance Ira had would be lost, and this made it the more important that he should not know. I explained this to Ira cautiously, and she nodded listlessly and said yes, it was a necessary precaution, but she did not look at me and she showed no enthusiasm. I was getting more and more worried about her: she moped about, dull of hair and eye, as if the sweetness of life had departed -- as indeed it has for a woman who is abandoned by her husband.
    Kenny was working in the small building they had put up near the tannery. I could see him whenever the door opened to let someone out. There was a long line of men waiting; I squatted some distance away. The day wore on. The sun had set, the glow of twilight was touched with darkness, before he came out. He looked grim and tired, his eyes were burning, there was an air of such impersonal cruelty about him that despite myself I shivered.
    "No more tonight," he said briefly to the assembled men, and stepping down from the verandah he strode away. I waited till the crowd dispersed, then I followed. He was walking quickly with long strides, I had to run to catch up. He stopped at last when he heard my footsteps and waited for me to come up, frowning so that I began to feel afraid.
    "I said no more tonight. Did you not hear me? Do you think I am made of iron?"
    "I waited all day," I gasped. "I must see you. My husband will be back soon and then I cannot come."
    His frown deepened. He said coldly, "You people will never learn. It is pitiful to see your foolishness."
    "It is for my daughter I come," I said. "She cannot bear; she is as I was."
    "You will be a mother even before she is," he replied with a glimmer of a smile, "for it seems you have no difficulty."
    "It is so," I said. "I would it were otherwise and she in my condition, for she is much afflicted since her husband has no use for her."
    "Why did she not come then," he said, "since it is her need? It would have been more sensible."
    There was an edge to his voice, and his mouth twisted as if in exasperation.
    "Forgive me," I whispered, quaking, "I was not sure --"
    To my surprise, he put both hands on my shoulders, forcing me to look at him, and I saw he was laughing.
    "I am