Free My Heroes Have Always Been Hitmen (Humorous Romantic Shorts) (Greatest Hits Mysteries) by Leslie Langtry Page A

could hear the words bending to the right as he spoke them. "They will blame me for not insisting you wear a bonnet!"
    " No, they will think nothing of the sort." I pulled my shoulders back to show I was serious. "Or we can tell them I insisted."
    Troy/ Auntie India whipped out his lace fan and fanned himself/herself quickly. "I don't like it."
    " I don't care," I answered. "It's just a hat."
              He/she gasped in horror. "It is not just a hat ! It is so much more than that! I can't think of a worse scandal!"
    I giggled. "It would be worse if I didn't do my job." He knew that. If you failed at a mission, you ran the risk of being hunted down. That would mean Troy would have to go back home. No more parties. And no more dress up.
    Siobhan joined us. "Your carriage is here." Then she turned on her heel and left. She probably couldn't get away from us fast enough.
    In the carriage, Troy tapped me on the hand with his fan. "So, are you going to tell me about the job?"
    " Carter Livingstone Sperry," I answered. "He's staying with our hosts and, from the drawing, is quite a dish."
    Troy shook his head sadly. "That just doesn't seem right. Why can't we have more ugly vics? Like in Savannah. Remember that?"
    How could I forget? Savannah, last year, Troy helped me take out a pair of twin slave traders. Ugly twin slave traders. It really should be a crime that if you're that ugly, there shouldn't be an exact copy of you. Both men had eyebrows that not only came together in the middle of their forehead, but also formed a sort of caveman overhang over their eyes. I won't even tell you about the teeth and warts. It wouldn't be decent.
    " I seem to recall that we had a little trouble in Vicksburg. Something about wet gunpowder?" I asked innocently.
    Troy scowled. "Am I to be tormented by that one mistake forever? I forgot I'd hidden it in my wig. When I washed it, the powder got wet . You need to get over that."
    " I don't think I ever will," I said. "You should've gone as Troy, not Auntie India. I had to strangle one of those brutes with my bare hands! It took weeks to grow those fingernails back!"
    Troy looked at my hat. "Well, my dear, now that you have your age-inappropriate hat , no one would ever notice your fingernails."
    I rolled my eyes.
    "So." Troy grinned. "What's it going to be? The razor bladed fan? The sharpened whalebones in the corset? The poison in the locket? Or the pistol inside the cage crinoline?" My cousin listed my weaponry as accessories.
    " None of them." I smiled and tapped my hat pin.
    " Ah. That's why you're wearing the wrong hat for your age ." Troy nodded, happy to get one more dig in.
    The driver pulled up in front of a large, plantation house and helped Auntie and me out of the vehicle. As he drove off, I linked my arm through Auntie India's (Once we were in character, I wasn't allowed to even think of him as Troy.), and we opened our parasols and joined the party.
    " Oh damn," Auntie said softly in her fake falsetto voice. "Colonel Potter is here."
    Sure enough, the short, fat col onel was quickly waddling toward us. I suppressed a giggle. Colonel Potter had met Auntie India at the holiday party at the Cantwells last year. Somehow, he'd fallen in love with her and was making it his life's work to pursue and woo my dear, widowed Auntie. Troy hated the old, overweight officer, but I thought they were darling together.
    " Miss India!" Colonel Potter swept low before us in an obnoxious courtly bow. His bald spot caught the sun and blinded us. Beside me I felt Auntie shiver.
    " And Miss Abby!" the man quickly added. "You are both such a vision to these old eyes!" He wrestled Auntie's arm from mine and placed her hand on his forearm. "Come with me, my dear! Your niece won't mind, will you, Miss Abby?"
    It took all I had to suppress a smile. "Of course not, Colonel Potter! Why my Auntie was just saying on the ride over here how much she was looking forward to seeing you today!"
    Okay, it was