Free Needed: Full-Time Father (Medical Romance) by Carol Marinelli

done.’
    ‘Nothing?’ Madison checked, because it mattered, mattered more than she had let on yesterday, because Gerard had deserved the very best.
    ‘Nothing,’ Guy confirmed. ‘I started to ask the pathologist that if we had somehow managed to revivehim, what the outcome would have been—but he stopped me right there. He told me in no uncertain terms that Gerard had had a massive fatal heart attack, that there were no ifs or buts. He could not have survived under any circumstances. There was absolutely no chance of reviving him, none whatsoever. As you said yourself yesterday, Gerard was dead before he even hit the floor.’
    ‘He didn’t even complain of chest pain.’ Madison’s voice was dazed. ‘If he had, if I’d thought for a moment—’
    ‘Don’t.’ Guy shook his head. ‘Don’t go there, Madison.’ His pager buzzed again and Guy grimaced as he read the message. ‘Damn.’
    ‘Problem?’
    ‘Only that the CEO of the hospital shouldn’t have to page me twice. Can I borrow your phone?’ Picking it up without waiting for her answer, he punched in the numbers and listened more than spoke, finally putting down the receiver.
    ‘The funeral is going to be on Thursday at ten a.m. Doug has said that any staff who want to go can attend and not to worry about the budget, to arrange cover…’
    ‘That’s a first.’ Madison managed a wintry smile. ‘We should be OK. Only a few of the staff worked with Gerard, most had only just met him. I’m sure everyone will be willing to shuffle the off-duty for one day, and I can always work the floor.’
    ‘You?’ Guy’s voice was slightly incredulous. ‘You’re not going to go?’
    ‘I’m needed here,’ Madison said stiffly, but, realising something more was probably called for, she gave a tight shrug. ‘I don’t like funerals. I don’t do very well at them.’
    ‘Nobody likes funerals, Madison,’ Guy responded sharply. ‘But you’re the nurse unit manager, for goodness’ sake. Of course you have to go. You’re expected—’
    ‘Expected to what?’ Jumping up, Madison clutched the desk, her knuckles as white as her pale lips, her fight-or-flight response so extreme Guy actually ducked back in his seat, his eyes wide as she continued. ‘Expected to stand there and shed a dignified tear, to get up and give a speech about how he touched so many lives, expected to represent the hospital…’
    ‘I know he was your friend.’ Visibly shocked at her tirade, Guy’s voice was kinder now, trying to calm her, trying to say the right thing. ‘I know what happened yesterday was awful, I know that Gerard was more than a colleague to you, that he was a friend as well, but given that surely he’d want…’ And on and on he went, trying and failing to say the right thing, missing the mark over and over until finally she halted him in utter defeat, sitting back down on her chair, appalled at having lost control like that, appalled at letting Guy, letting anyone, glimpse that painful, raw part of her soul, but knowing it deserved explanation.
    ‘This isn’t about Gerard.’ She couldn’t even look at him, so instead she closed her eyes to allow herself to continue. ‘As selfish as it sounds, it’s all about me.’ Shecould feel the sweat beading on her forehead, feel her breath coming in short, unyielding gasps, and even though she’d never experienced a panic attack, this was as close as Madison wanted to come to having one. Almost choking to get the words out, infinitely grateful when Guy came over, sat on the desk right in front of her and took her trembling hand, she attempted to continue.
    ‘The last funeral I went to was five years ago.’
    ‘Go on,’ Guy said, but it wasn’t urgent. He handed her a glass of water from her desk and waited as she took a sip. ‘Whose funeral was it?’
    ‘My husband’s,’ Madison answered, her voice curiously detached now. ‘He was killed in a motorbike accident.’
    ‘I’m so sorry.’
    ‘Emily was