Free Dial M for Mongoose by Bruce Hale

tunnels riddled the playground like worm chunks in a pan of earthworm lasagna.
    But nobody could spot the culprit, let alone catch him.
    I don't believe in the supernatural. My idea of voodoo is my mom's cockroach-ripple ice cream.
    Then, a teacher reported seeing a monster on full-moon night, and I got the call.
    At the end of a twisted trail of clues, I had to answer the burning question: Was it a vicious, supernatural were-hamster on the loose, or just another Science Fair project gone wrong?

    Case #6 This Gum for Hire
    Never thought I'd see the day when one of my worst enemies would hire me for a case. Herman the Gila Monster was a sixth-grade hoodlum with a first-rate left hook. He told me someone was disappearing the football team, and he had to put a stop to it.
Big whoop.
    He told me he was being blamed for the kidnappings, and he had to clear his name.
Boo hoo.
    Then he said that I could either take the case and earn a nice reward, or have my face rearranged like a bargain-basement Picasso painted by a spastic chimp.
    I took the case.
    But before I could find the kidnapper, I had to go undercover. And that meant facing something that scared me worse than a chorus line of criminals in steel-toed boots: P.E. class.

    Case #7 The Malted Falcon
    It was tall, dark, and chocolatey—the stuff dreams are made of. It was a treat so titanic that nobody had been able to finish one single-handedly (or even single-mouthedly). It was the Malted Falcon.
    How far would you go for the ultimate dessert? Somebody went too far, and that's where I came in.
    The local sweets shop held a contest. The prize: a year's supply of free Malted Falcons. Some lucky kid scored the winning ticket. She brought it to school for show-and-tell.
    But after she showed it, somebody swiped it. And no one would tell where it went.
    Following a strong hunch and an even stronger sweet tooth, I tracked the ticket through a web of lies more tangled than a rattlesnake doing the rumba. But the time to claim the prize was fast approaching. Would the villain get the sweet treat—or his just desserts?

    Case #8 Trouble Is My Beeswax
    Okay, I confess. When test time rolls around, I'm as tempted as the next lizard to let my eyeballs do the walking ... to my neighbor's paper.
    But Mrs. Gecko didn't raise no cheaters. (Some language manglers, perhaps.) So when a routine investigation uncovered a test-cheating ring at Emerson Hicky, I gave myself a new case: Put the cheaters out of business.
    Easier said than done. Those double-dealers were slicker than a frog's fanny and twice as slimy.
    Oh, and there was one other small problem: All the evidence pointed to two dames. The ringleader was either the glamorous Lacey Vail, or my own classmate Shirley Chameleon.
    Sheesh. The only thing I hate worse than an empty Pillbug Crunch wrapper is a case full of dizzy dames.

    Case #9 Give My Regrets to Broadway
    Some things you can't escape, however hard you try—like dentist appointments, visits with strange-smelling relatives, and being in the fourth-grade play. I had always left the acting to my smart-aleck pal, Natalie, but now it was my turn in the spotlight.
    Stage fright? Me? You're talking about a gecko who has laughed at danger, chuckled at catastrophe, and sneezed at sinister plots.
    I was terrified.
    Not because of the acting, mind you. The script called for me to share a major lip-lock with Shirley Chameleon—Cootie Queen of the Universe!
    And while I was trying to avoid that trap, a simple missing persons case took a turn for the worse—right into the middle of my play. Would opening night spell curtains for my client? And, more important, would someone invent a cure for cooties? But no matter—whatever happens, the sleuth must go on.

    Case #10 Murder, My Tweet
    Some things at school you can count on. Pop quizzes always pop up just after you've spent your study time studying comics. Chef's Surprise is always a surprise, but never a good one. And