Free Elly in Love (The Elly Series) by Colleen Oakes

changing the subject while wiggling her eyebrows. “Did you guys say the big ‘I love you’ yet?”
    Elly blushed. “No, not yet. It might be soon, though. Oh Kim, I’m so over the moon about him.”
    Kim smiled. “Well, it doesn’t have to be him that says it. This is the twenty-first century, you know. I’m sure it won’t be long. You are so deep into each other that it makes Sean and me feel like we are the most-boring people on Earth.”
    Elly shot Kim an exasperated look. “Right. Tell me, when is he whisking you off to Paris again?”
    “I know, I know. But you and Keith are made for each other. Every time he looks at you, I can see his heart growing larger.”
    Elly took a bite of her enchilada, tomatillo salsa spilling out from the sides. So good. Everything, so good. She took a deep breath. “Is it weird that I bounce between being extremely happy and worrying that it will all fade? Everything seems so perfect right now.” She felt a familiar twinge in her heart, a deep hurt. There was a bruise there that would never go away.
    Kim frowned. “No, I guess I don’t understand.”
    Elly took a breath and wiped her mouth, methodically folding her napkin. “The last time I felt that life was perfect, I came home and found my husband being straddled.” She shook her head, hoping to rattle the image lose. “I could care less about Aaron now, but this feeling of things being so sure , so steady, it’s nerve-racking. Whenever I really feel ready to go all in with Keith, I get anxious, as if I can’t fully enjoy it because I’m just waiting for the chips to fall. Its neurotic and it’s ridiculous, and it is all me, letting a healed wound infect my body. I have to work on it. I don’t know that I’m completely ready to give myself over to this….” She smiled and sighed. “ This totally amazing man. Am I crazy?”
    Kim’s face said yes .
    “And I know it’s Keith, Keith in all his perfection. He would never hurt me. I shouldn’t be afraid.” Was she already in love with him? Did he love her?
    “Elly, that’s totally okay. You should only say it when you’re ready, completely ready. I don’t see Keith being a man who would push you into that. You’ve been through a lot with men and in a relationship this important, you want to take it slow. Keep your heart light and unjaded. I have a feeling that bitterness grows when you are pushed too fast into something.”
    Elly bit her lip. She didn’t feel jaded. She felt only joy with Keith, a lightness of spirit. There was a freedom with him, an abandonment of all the fears and insecurities that she felt about herself. For the first time in a relationship, she felt honored. Yet, in all this bliss, when “I love you” was on the tip on her tongue, a thorn twisted in her heart and made her words fall away into a whirling vortex, a vortex made up of past memories that had no bearing on her current life. She was afraid. She might love Keith, yes, but she was nowhere near being able to say it. Her eyes watered a bit. “So I have trust issues. That’s not anything new. I don’t want to talk about it anymore,” Elly mumbled, before taking a bite of Kim’s flan.
    “That’s what I thought,” Kim replied. “You have no idea how to handle this, do you?”
    Elly wiped her eyes. “You’re super nosy, you know that, right?”
    Kim put her hand on Elly’s. “Only about people that I love.”
    Elly’s eyes narrowed as they filled with tears. “I get your point. Now, can we please talk more about Hadley? I’m dying to know. Tell me about my godson.”
    Kim’s eyes widened with unabashed obsession. “ Well , if you must know, he’s developed a habit of putting his toes in his mouth. I want to think it’s disgusting every single time, but when he does it I just grab the camera and take a million pictures, and then I can’t help but cover him with kisses….”

    The night ended earlier than it should have.
    Elly slowly walked up the dark stairwell