Free The Hand That Holds Mine by Jennifer Loren Page B

and looks me over. “If you stay home what are you going to do?”
    “Nothing, I think I need some sleep.” I sigh sinking into the softness of my pillow and feeling good about him giving up on forcing me to go with him.
    Huffing, he shakes his head at me, “At least write, do something. I spend every day working on making you successful and for some reason you think you can now lie around and let me do all the work? I hope you don’t expect me to stay here with you? I have to bust my butt going to all these parties and schmoozing all the money people and try to get them to invest in my new business.”
    Oh gees that stupid business idea, again. No one in their right mind is going to invest money in another , fine dining restaurant - especially one that Mitch runs with all his experience as a fry cook. Mitch gives me an evil glare when he catches me rolling my eyes. “Mitch, I think I am really sick and should see a doctor.”
    “So go see a doctor, you know where the hospital is. I don’t have time to play nursemaid to you, Adeline, I have to go out and try to keep us in this nice home. You’re a big girl, you know how to take care of yourself.” Mitch checks his look over once more before he kisses me on the cheek and races out the door.

~
    Mitch left me soon after he found out that I have Cancer. He said he shouldn’t feel bad for wanting to live his life to the fullest and not be held back by me. He wants children he said - as if that isn’t what I want too. I would fight for him but I would rather die alone than live my life fighting for a man that so clearly has no love for me.
    As of three months ago, the cancer had spread and was beyond what any doctor could do. I could feel sorry for myself but instead I want to put all the energy I have left, into this last novel. The pressure to do so, however, is causing writers block, something I have rarely had. I have a hero but I cannot see him and he has no heroine to fight for. Towards the end of the night I have progressed no further on my novel and I have no energy left to continue trying. When the pain starts to rise, I race to get my pills down before the nausea begins. I don’t make it. Cringing, I hold tight to my towel trying to bear through it. My stubbornness won’t allow any of my friends to be bothered and with my family gone, I face this alone. I have to write, it’s my only escape from the pain. My books are all I have, they give me life when I don’t otherwise. No one understands that. No one believes how they carry me away from my struggles, my lost dreams, and lessen my declining hope. No one understands.
    “I understand, Adeline,” I feel a strong hand take hold of mine, instantly startling me, but the warmth and the strength within it, calms me and allows me to sleep, peacefully.

Chapter 2
    ~Adeline ~
     
      As the doctor looks me over and declares not much has changed, I wonder why I even bothered coming here but then I remember that he is the only one that can write prescriptions for my pain killers. He decides on something new, something a little stronger but only if I take a multitude of other meds with it. When I finish, Deb treats me to lunch out and allows me to order something I want for a change.
    “So what did the doctor say?” She asks with an innocent expression.
    “Why do you ask me things that you already know the answers to? I know you talked to him too. If you drive me anymore crazy because of what he said I am not going to allow you to take me to any more of my appointments.”
    “I wouldn’t have to if you would let me get you into that special care facility I told you about.”
    “Oh that’s what I want, to spend my last days around a bunch of people who are dying.” Before she starts to argue with me I try to think of something that will help change the subject. “I had the strangest dream last night.” I say abruptly earning an eye roll, which I purposely ignore. “I was feeling sick and then I suddenly