Free School of Charm by Lisa Ann Scott Page B

for a better coach. I won Miss North Carolina and your mother was runner-up in her day. It would be a lot of work, especially with your sisters in the pageant, too, but I can make the effort if you can.” She set her hand on my shoulder and smiled. At least I thought it was a smile. “It’s time for a brand-new Brenda.”
    I felt frozen under her cold fingers. A brand-new Brenda? Why couldn’t good old Chip join the pageant? My heart beat its way up my chest into my throat. She didn’t think I could do it. None of them did. Even Ruthie was sitting at the table wrinkling her nose. And Grandma was crazy if she thought this would make me put Daddy behind me and forget him. I crossed my arms. “Never mind. I think Mama and Charlene are right. I’m Chip, not Brenda, and I’m not pageant material. It was a dumb idea.”
    Grandma pulled away from me and her lips formed a scowl. “Very well. If that’s how you feel. I suppose it’s for the best. We’ll be quite busy as it is.” She scooted over to Ruthie and made a fuss about getting her cleaned up, even though her dress wasn’t wrinkled or stained or anything.
    I stood there in the dining room looking at my feet. And here I thought I’d be celebrating with everyone that I was joining their plans too. This wasn’t the sign I wanted from Daddy. I wasn’t fitting in. I was making it worse.
    I sat down and put a scoop of mashed potatoes on my plate.
    Grandma walked over and took it from me. “Oh no you don’t. If you’re late for dinner, you don’t eat dinner.”
    I wasn’t upset. My stomach hurt too much to eat, anyway.
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    G RANDMA SENT ME UP TO TAKE A BATH EVEN THOUGH I told her I was old enough for a shower. Then she made me go right to bed. But I couldn’t sleep. I kept thinking about what she’d said. A brand-new Brenda? I hated that idea; I didn’t want to be somebody different. I wanted to be the old me. The Chip who rode bikes with Billy. The Chip who took long hikes with Daddy. But Billy wasn’t here. And Daddy wasn’t coming back. Was Grandma right? Could I still be Chip down in North Carolina without Billy and Daddy? Did I need to leave everything behind? The whole thing was stirring my mind up like a stick in a mud puddle. It felt that way a lot now with Daddy gone.
    I stared out my window at the moon. Could Daddy see it wherever he was? I sat up in bed and wrapped a blanket around me. I wondered what the moon looked like reflecting off Miss Vernie’s pond. I wanted to get back in there and rip all those cattails out and feel the cool mud against my skin. I wasn’t even sure I could keep going to her charm school if I wasn’t going to be joining the pageant. I didn’t want to waste Miss Vernie’s time.
    â€œWhat do you think?” I asked the owl. He looked like he was thinking of an answer. I picked him up. His feathers were soft and dusty. I brushed him off. He felt big but surprisingly light in my arms. “I should name you if you’re going to be staring at me all the time.”
    I set him back down on the nightstand. “Freddy. You are Deady Freddy. Sorry about that, by the way. The whole being dead thing. I hope you didn’t leave behind any baby owls.”
    It wasn’t so bad having him in my room. He was pretty, with big yellow eyes framed by tufts of feathers. But I still didn’t like those dead animals downstairs. I wouldn’t be naming them.
    Quietly, I slid out of bed. I hated nighttime at Grandma’s. The sounds were all wrong. The bedrooms had air conditioners, so I couldn’t hear the noises outside. But there wasn’t much to hear anyway. I missed the peepers back home, chirping me to sleep each night. Charlene always threw a pillow over her head when they were out, but I loved them. Grandma didn’t have any peepers. Just a few crickets chirping when I opened the bathroom window to