Free If You Really Love Me by Gene Gant Page A

Eight
     
    A REAL friend, a decent human being, would be happy and supportive. I guess that’s not me. I left Cary’s apartment without offering him one word of encouragement. I’m sitting on the fire escape, staring into the darkness, fear stinging in my chest like heartburn. I’m not afraid for Cary, moving hundreds of miles away to a new city. All I can think about is what my life will be like without him. We’re as close as brothers. We’ve always been there for each other. We’ve never said it aloud, but we love each other. I knowhe loves me as much as I love him. For the past two years, he has been the only friend in my life, the only friend who stuck with me, the only person I can really talk to.
    What am I going to do without him?
    The cold air is freezing me. I get up, climb the rest of the stairs, and let myself into the kitchen. Mom is at the sink, filling a vase with water. She looks happy.
    “Hi.” I rub at my arms, trying to generate warmth.
    “Come here,” she says quietly.
    I walk over to her, and she gives me a little swat in the back of my head. “Stop going outside in the cold without your jacket on,” she says, smiling. She unwraps a huge bunch of flowers from a green paper sleeve and puts them into the vase. “See what Breeze gave me?”
    “They’re pretty.”
    She looks at me. “What’re you so down in the mouth about?”
    “Cary’s moving to Phoenix.”
    “Yes, I know. Jeanne told me.”
    I want to ask why she didn’t tell me, but I don’t.
    “Ellis, for God’s sake, don’t cry.” She takes me firmly by the chin. I swallow hard a couple of times, sniff, and look down at the floor until the burning in my throat goes away. Mom lets me go. “People move on,” she says. “That’s life. Cary’s a young man now. He’s doing what a young man should, leaving the nest. You want him to do what’s best for him, don’t you?”
    I nod because I don’t trust my voice right now.
    She gives me a one-arm hug and then pats the side of my face. I can’t keep thinking about Cary and Phoenix. I have to get my mind on something else. “How’d you wind up with the flowers?” I ask.
    “Breeze sent them to my job. The girls were shocked. So was I.” Mom starts rearranging the flowers in the vase. Her cheeks get red, and her face gets that swept-off-my-feet look some of the girls at school get when a guy does something romantic for them. “No one’s ever sent me flowers before.”
    “Breeze must really be something.” My voice is a little shaky. I clear my throat. Hunger has been gnawing at me for a while now. Since there are no grocery bags in sight, it’s obvious Mom didn’t do any shopping on her way home from work. I cross to the fridge and look in. It’s just as bare as it was yesterday. And the day before. And the day before that.
    “You’re on your own for dinner tonight. Breeze is taking me out.” She picks up the vase of flowers as if she’s going to hug it. “Don’t wait up.”
    She heads for her room to get ready for her date. I make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
     
     
    T HE ALARM goes off at six thirty. I reach over and slap the off button. I slide out of bed in my underwear, my head still foggy with sleep, and take a leak in the bathroom. After washing my hands, I walk down the hall to Mom’s room.
    Her room is empty, and her bed hasn’t been slept in.
     
     
    S AUL IS waiting right next to my locker. He grins at me as I walk up. His grin slowly fades.
    “Hey. You okay?” he asks.
    “Yeah.” Even though I’m so glad he’s here, I have to make myself smile. I dial in the combination on my lock.
    “What’s wrong, El?”
    “Nothing.” I open the locker, slip the backpack off my shoulder, and put it on the floor.
    He keeps looking at me.
    “It’s just… my best friend is moving out of town for good after Christmas.”
    His face softens from worry to sympathy. “Man. That’s a big bummer.” He grabs my shoulder with his hand and gives me a