Free If You Really Love Me by Gene Gant

wrap my arms around myself, and take a seat at the table. “Yesterday was my movie date with Saul. I told you that, remember?”
    “Oh yeah. So how did that go?” He sits down across from me. “Did you ask him the big question?”
    “Well… not exactly.” The grin spreads across my face. “But he is gay. He put his hand on my leg, right there in the movie theater, and we wound up holding hands. Then, after the movie, he came up to the apartment and we… did stuff.”
    Cary’s mouth forms this exaggerated O, and he wags his head. “Oh ho. So that’s why you didn’t answer the door. You were in there gettin’ busy with the dude.”
    “Actually, I don’t remember hearing any knock.”
    “It must’ve really been wild if you didn’t even hear me pounding on the door.” He looks at me and nods approvingly. “Well well well. Scared little Ellis finally got himself some.”
    “I can hear you, boys.” That’s Cary’s mom, calling out from the living room.
    I cringe, shrinking down in my seat. “Why didn’t you tell me she was home?” I whisper at Cary.
    “Mom, stop eavesdropping,” Cary shouts at her.
    “Who’s eavesdropping? You’re talking so goddamned loud I can’t hear the television. Keep it down. Hello, Ellis.”
    “Hi, Auntie Jeanne,” I call back, feeling the burn in my face and neck.
    Cary waves her off. “So was the sex really good?”
    “We didn’t actually have sex.” I say that loudly so Auntie Jeanne (she was never Ms. Baker to me) will know it. When she mentions to Mom that I was making out with a guy in the apartment—and she will mention it—she can pass on the no-sex bit too.
    Cary looks disappointed. “Why the hell not? You had the dude right there, and it sounds like he was ready.”
    I lower my voice. “Mom was out on a date, and there was no telling when she would get back. You know what she would have done if she walked in and saw—”
    “Ohhh,” Cary says, getting it. He shivers himself, apparently imagining Mom’s reaction. Mom has never hit me in front of him, but he’s seen how angry she gets.
    “But Saul is amazing, man. Today, at school, he cut class to sit with me on my lunch period. He went out of his way to walk me to a couple of my classes. And in Botany, he sat right next to me. He likes Avatar. I’m talking about the cartoon series, not the movie. Can you believe all that? After school, he came home, and we watched the first episode together. And we kissed some more before he had to go. This guy likes me, man. I still can’t believe it.”
    “Sounds like you’re on your way to having your first boyfriend. I’m impressed. You finally grew a pair and went for it.”
    I give him a little sneer, just a bit miffed. “That’s something for you to say, an eighteen-year-old straight dude who’s never had a girlfriend.”
    “Hey, there’s a difference. You never tried to hook up with a guy before. I’ve been hitting on girls since I was thirteen. It’s not my fault they couldn’t see what a great guy I am.”
    “Whatever. Any luck with the job search?”
    Cary’s face seems to fall, and that makes me sorry for bringing up the subject. “No. Even with the Christmas shopping season opening up, there just isn’t anything out there for me. I’m giving up the search.”
    “Come on, Cary. You can’t do that.”
    “Ellis….” He pauses and then looks away. “Got something I’ve been meaning to tell you.” He sighs and looks at me again. “I’m moving out.”
    It feels as if he suddenly switched to a foreign language. “What? What did you say?”
    “Mom and I talked it over with my gramps. He says he can get me a job working at this movie theater in his neighborhood. He knows the manager. When Grampa leaves for home after Christmas, I’m going with him.”
    “All the way to Phoenix?” Just saying the name of the city makes my head hurt. “For how long?”
    He lifts his shoulders in a little shrug. “For good, I guess.”

Chapter