Free Seeking Nirvana by V. L. Brock Page A

into his pants and sinking into his seat.
    Nothing needed to be said. I knew he was holding back from me and his expression…he looked disgusted, like he had been coerced into doing some devious, sickening act.
    I nodde d and silently slipped myself from his desk. With a barely audible disapproving sigh, I began to advance toward the entrance to do something I had no recollection of ever doing before. To finish myself off.
    I halted at the doorway before taking a step over the threshold and turned to face him. He didn’t notice me flashing him a scowl, because he was too busy embedding his face in his hands. “I’m sorry that I disgust you,” I murmured through the lump forming in my throat, and began to walk away.
    I didn’t know what hurt more, the fact that I thought I disgusted him, or the fact that he didn’t deny my assumption.

Chapter Six
    My mind swam as shapes and colors melded into one. My hand felt like it was on fire, but after a while, the fire lost its heat and just the methodical action of nails scraping up and down the back of my hand took its place.
    I sighed, and continued to get lost in my own silent musings.
    Lost…could I possibly get anymore further away from my destination?
    Liam’s voice was a distant hum, so distant, it was impossible for me to even attempt to reach out and have it reel me back. And a part of me didn’t want to be reeled back. Things weren’t making sense anymore. My life had become unrecognizable. Each day I became more and more disinclined to step foot out of the front door. I didn’t want to talk to people. Nevertheless, I did secretly question why my parents hadn’t even contacted us to see how I was.
    I found myself craving an escape, an escape that I found in my mind by allowing the world around me to fade into nothingness. An escape I uncovered and was running toward more and more. An escape I was using to drown out my emotional and mental hurt that was being inflicted by the one person who I loved. It was an escape where I strived to ball all of the emotions which I couldn’t face, which were proving too challenging to overcome, and to somehow…just release it.
    “And apparently…reception for cell-phones…so good, but don’t…little head, baby, I’ll ring every night, okay?”
    I overheard him mutter my name. However, my own private world was holding me, restraining me and I couldn’t pull myself out of the quicksand. I dug my nails into the raw flesh even harder, scraping and chaffing until I could get that fire burning again.
    “Kady!?” he shouted, throwing something into the gradually lined case that lay waiting to be filled, on the bed.
    The sound had me jolted, my hands raised to protected m y face as I cowered. “I’m sorry,” I blurted instantaneously. Renouncing a form of protection which for some reason, came as naturally as breathing, I hesitantly lowered my hands from my face. “I must have blanked out for a moment.”
    He stepped towards me and grasped my hands in his. “Hey, what’s all this about, Kady?” He studied the fiery red blemish on the back of my left hand and the blood under the nails of my right.
    I shook my head with a deep crease spanning my forehead. “I didn’t know I was…” I peeked up to see his firm, determined face, and suddenly, the wave of shame had doubled. “I’m sorry, Liam.”
    Freeing my right hand, he tipped my head back with his index finger set under my chin. I felt uncomfortable and particularly anxious with having his eyes gazing into me that intently, especially after his sharp moods. “You know we don’t keep secrets from each other. What’s playing on your mind, Kady, baby? Let me help you.”
    I sank into the bed, into his clutch on my chin as his pacifying tone thawed my hesitation. “I was thinking about my parents and Brittany.”
    “Oh? ” he sounded skeptical. “Well, do you want to talk about it, baby?” He rested next to me on the foot of the bed. The ivory satin throw made