Free Behind the Strings by Courtney Giardina

fan?”
    “Lucky guess.”
    Suddenly I felt a pit in my stomach. I didn’t think of my father often, but when I did nothing good was usually associated with it. If they knew where he was now, I didn’t want to know. Before anyone could actually answer though, a sudden flash of lights came surging toward us. I turned around to see a few photographers pointing their cameras in our direction. When I looked back at Logan he had become a blur through my vision. All I could see was bright spots with every blink. Suddenly, I felt nauseous. I excused myself in the politest way possible and stumbled my way to the bathroom.
    I leaned against the sink and stared at my shimmering eyes for some time in the mirror as new girls would come and go from the stalls. I hated how the mention of my father’s name could ruin everything. Nights like this were supposed to be for celebration, but just the sound of his name brought me back to that little girl who would run after him, yelling his name as he kept walking. I’d watch the bus drive away and would scream his name until I was sure he wasn’t coming back. Eventually I stopped running, but it never stopped hurting.
    And now I felt like I had so much more to run from. Usually I was the one chasing stories, but now I was becoming one.
    “Celia, you in here?” I saw Logan’s head peek through the door.
    “I’m coming.”
    I wiped away a stray tear and gathered my purse before meeting Logan in the hallway.
    “You ready to go home?” he asked.
    I nodded. He let me lead the way and we both waved goodbye to those we knew on our way out. Logan was nice enough to escort me to my car. We walked past row after row of flashy cars in the parking garage as I pressed the button on my keychain, listening for my car to sound.
    “Okay, I could’ve sworn I parked it on this level,” I said.
    “You mean like that time you could’ve sworn you saw a mouse in the kitchen?”
    “That was an honest mistake. Anybody from my angle would’ve thought it was a mouse.”
    I slapped him for bringing that up. Gosh, I think I was maybe sixteen. Logan was on his way over for pizza and a movie on a Friday night and he walked in to find me screaming on top of the kitchen table pointing underneath the sink. He had absolutely no idea what I was trying to tell him, but he followed my finger and leaned down to pick up a lonely gray sock. Of course, he didn’t tell me it was a sock until after he covered it with his hands and threw it at me. I stumbled backwards and my foot slipped off the back of the table, but thankfully the cushion of the nearby couch caught my fall.
    “I could’ve gotten seriously hurt that night, by the way.”
    “Ah, but you didn’t,” he said. “And I don’t think you parked on this side of the lot, either.”
    He was right. I was completely turned around. We had to walk around a couple more levels before I saw my flashing headlights.
    “You alright?” he asked, rubbing both my arms with his fingertips.
    “You know me, I always am.”
    I wrapped my arms around his neck and he pulled me close. When we let go our cheeks brushed against each other. His hands were still on my waist and he looked deep into my eyes. He leaned into me and I didn’t stop his lips from touching mine.
    Instantly I knew this kiss happened for all the wrong reasons. My heart was hurting, I was angry and frustrated. I just wanted to forget my problems, and I used Logan to do it. I pulled away, cursing my own selfishness.
    “I’m sorry,” I whispered, staring down at our feet. “I’m so sorry.”
    “Don’t be sorry.”
    I kissed him softly on his cheek before falling into the driver’s seat. He smiled as he placed his fingertips on the window. Even with the glass between us, I did the same. I could tell he was disappointed, but he understood. As I looked up at him through the window I saw my friend, my confidant, my most loyal companion. I saw the boy who had always looked at me the way he was doing