Free Sex and Crime: Oliver's Strange Journey by Oliver Markus Page A

the drawer, she
laughed even harder because she knew I was serious. She just kept
staring at me, from across the kitchen, hysterically laughing,
while I opened the can and let the gooey slop slowly slide out of
the can onto a plate. The chunks of meat really did look like stew.
Kind of.
     
    I held each chunk under the faucet to wash
off the gelatinous goo. Then I put a bunch of those chunks onto a
cookie tray and put them in the oven, as if they were chicken
nuggets. After I heated them up, I pulled out the tray and looked
at my meal. It really didn't look all that bad. I put one of them
my mouth. The first thought that went through my head was: I made a
terrible mistake.
     
    Apparently dog food meat is really just some
ground up dead animal, bones and intestines and all. When you chew
one of those chunks of pressed, processed meat, the ground up bones
in it feel like sand between your teeth. It's disgusting. I
couldn't even swallow that one chunk in my mouth and spit it out.
We went to bed hungry that night. The next day, Donna went upstairs
into her parents' apartment and ate a can of Ravioli while they
weren't home. I was too proud to go upstairs and beg for food or
steal cans out of their cabinets. She brought down a can of Ravioli
for me. I was so hungry at that point, I didn't care about my pride
or my principles anymore and ate the Ravioli.
     
    Anyway, let's get back to the bag of drugs I
found on my backseat. I was thinking about selling it, because we
could have really really used that money. But I was too scared, and
I just ended up flushing it down the toilet. The thought of
returning it to the guy who pissed all over my car never even
occurred to me.
     
    One of the regular customers who called the
taxi service I worked for had Tourette syndrome. I picked him up a
few times. He was a nice, quiet guy. He was into martial arts and
said he wanted to move to Hollywood and become a martial arts
trainer for actors or a fight scene choreographer for action
movies. I honestly didn't see that happening, because of his
condition. He would quietly talk about something and suddenly FUCK!
SHIT! FUCK! FUUUCK! he would blurt out all kinds of obscenities out
of nowhere. And his arm would begin to twitch FUCK! COCKSUCKING
FAGGOT! FUCK! and he'd hit the inside of the car door as hard as he
could while shouting things that would even make a hooker
blush.
     
    And then there was this guy who lived right
around the corner from the base. I don't remember his name, but
let's call him Tony. Tony suspected that his wife (or girlfriend?)
was cheating on him. He stormed into the base and demanded to get a
ride so he could look for her. It was a slow night, and Jim the
dispatcher wanted to help me out, so he gave me the call even
though it wasn't my turn.
     
    Tony told me to slowly drive up this block
and down that block. We must have been driving around for about an
hour. He didn't see his girl anywhere. So finally he told me to
take him back home. When we got there, he was just going to get out
of the car, without paying me or even tipping me. Yes, he was
black.
     
    "Hey, wait a minute," I said. "You have to
at least pay me the $7 for a round-trip."
     
    "For what? I didn't go anywhere. You dropped
me off right where you picked me up. I never even got out of the
car."
     
    "Are you kidding me? I just drove you around
for like an hour, dude!"
     
    He didn't give a shit. He was just gonna get
out of the car without paying and go inside his house. I was sooo
pissed. How could this asshole do this to me?
     
    I grabbed a crowbar and got out of the car,
too. I shouted: "Look, you gotta pay me $7. And really you owe me a
lot more for all that driving around, because that wasn't just a
regular short round-trip. But at least pay me the $7."
     
    He wouldn't. I walked up to him, and got in
his face, until the tip of my nose was only about 2 or 3 inches
away from the tip of his nose. We screamed at each other. Neither
one of us was willing to