mean, she wasnât that cute, but I did it anyway. We went to the movies and then for ice cream. She kind of jumped on me and kissed me at the end, and pushed herself close up against me. It just feltâ¦wrong. Like, disgusting.â
âWow.â
âYeah. And I realized after that, well, I didnât want what she had to offer. But my friend, Jason, on the other hand, did.â
âDid you and Jasonâ¦you know, date or anything?â
âHell no. Jason is straight. Heâd probably have punched me if he knew what I actually thought about him. He didnât care when I told him, though. As long as I didnât hit on him, or do anything really âgayâ in front of him, whatever that means. He said it opened up more opportunities for him with the ladies.â
They laughed about it, and Andrew relaxed back against the wall. âDid you ever date a guy?â He felt oddly at ease talking about this with Ryder.
âOh, sure. Plenty of times. Had a serious boyfriend for a while. Well, as serious as you can get when youâre sixteen. Name was Kevin Anders. Our fathers knew each other from the military, and he lived over in the next town. Another military brat. We hung out all the time. Messed around. Until his mother caught us.â
âShe caught you? Doing what?â Andrew asked, horrified at the thought of any mother catching her son having sex whether they were gay or straight.
âWhat do you think? We were having sex. It was the most awkward moment of my life, I can tell you. If I ever get hard and need it to go away fast, I just think about that moment and itâs gone like that,â he said, snapping his fingers.
Andrewâs heart thumped at the idea of Ryder getting hard.
âI had gone over to his house after school and we were supposed to be there alone. We were in his room, just getting into it and she came home. We didnât hear her, so when she pushed his door openâ¦â He shrugged and looked up at Andrew.
Andrew watched him, intrigued. âWhat did she do?â
âTold me to get out of her house and not come back. She said she wouldnât tell our fathers if we didnât see each other anymore. So we didnât.â
âJust like that? You didnât see him anymore?â
âAre you dense, man? Both of our fathers are in the military! Weâd have been kicked out of our houses, shipped off to boot camp to straighten us out, or worse! I wasnât going to mess with that. Ever hear of Donât Ask, Donât Tell? It might not be around anymore, but it sure as hell still existed then.â
Andrew could not imagine what it would be like to be caught or to have to tell his parents. âI wouldnât be able to tell my dad,â he said after a moment. âI know that. Heâs cool, but that would be too much for him.â
âYeah, itâs hard. My parents donât know. I mean, Iâm sure my mom might suspect it. But sheâs never asked, and I wonât tell. I know she wouldnât tell my dad even if she did know, though.â
âHave youâ¦dated anyone since youâve been up here?â
Ryder laughed and shook his head. âNo. I havenât been looking.â
âYou said before that you had someone in mind, but not Sarah,â Andrew said, unable to keep the topic from drifting back to that. Who is it he likes? It canât be Josh Grayson. But who else is there? He tried to picture others in their school but failed. Andrew watched Ryder as he hesitated again and looked up at him. The teasing was gone from his voice when he answered.
âI do have someone in mind. Butâ¦right now, I donât think I should do anything about it. I donât want to screw anything up if Iâm wrong, you know? It can be hard. Sometimes you fall for someone straight, and it sucks.â
Though Andrew felt a little disappointment, he nodded. He couldnât quite
Marguerite Henry, Bonnie Shields