Free Andy Squared by Jennifer Lavoie

mean, she wasn’t that cute, but I did it anyway. We went to the movies and then for ice cream. She kind of jumped on me and kissed me at the end, and pushed herself close up against me. It just felt…wrong. Like, disgusting.”
    â€œWow.”
    â€œYeah. And I realized after that, well, I didn’t want what she had to offer. But my friend, Jason, on the other hand, did.”
    â€œDid you and Jason…you know, date or anything?”
    â€œHell no. Jason is straight. He’d probably have punched me if he knew what I actually thought about him. He didn’t care when I told him, though. As long as I didn’t hit on him, or do anything really ‘gay’ in front of him, whatever that means. He said it opened up more opportunities for him with the ladies.”
    They laughed about it, and Andrew relaxed back against the wall. “Did you ever date a guy?” He felt oddly at ease talking about this with Ryder.
    â€œOh, sure. Plenty of times. Had a serious boyfriend for a while. Well, as serious as you can get when you’re sixteen. Name was Kevin Anders. Our fathers knew each other from the military, and he lived over in the next town. Another military brat. We hung out all the time. Messed around. Until his mother caught us.”
    â€œShe caught you? Doing what?” Andrew asked, horrified at the thought of any mother catching her son having sex whether they were gay or straight.
    â€œWhat do you think? We were having sex. It was the most awkward moment of my life, I can tell you. If I ever get hard and need it to go away fast, I just think about that moment and it’s gone like that,” he said, snapping his fingers.
    Andrew’s heart thumped at the idea of Ryder getting hard.
    â€œI had gone over to his house after school and we were supposed to be there alone. We were in his room, just getting into it and she came home. We didn’t hear her, so when she pushed his door open…” He shrugged and looked up at Andrew.
    Andrew watched him, intrigued. “What did she do?”
    â€œTold me to get out of her house and not come back. She said she wouldn’t tell our fathers if we didn’t see each other anymore. So we didn’t.”
    â€œJust like that? You didn’t see him anymore?”
    â€œAre you dense, man? Both of our fathers are in the military! We’d have been kicked out of our houses, shipped off to boot camp to straighten us out, or worse! I wasn’t going to mess with that. Ever hear of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell? It might not be around anymore, but it sure as hell still existed then.”
    Andrew could not imagine what it would be like to be caught or to have to tell his parents. “I wouldn’t be able to tell my dad,” he said after a moment. “I know that. He’s cool, but that would be too much for him.”
    â€œYeah, it’s hard. My parents don’t know. I mean, I’m sure my mom might suspect it. But she’s never asked, and I won’t tell. I know she wouldn’t tell my dad even if she did know, though.”
    â€œHave you…dated anyone since you’ve been up here?”
    Ryder laughed and shook his head. “No. I haven’t been looking.”
    â€œYou said before that you had someone in mind, but not Sarah,” Andrew said, unable to keep the topic from drifting back to that. Who is it he likes? It can’t be Josh Grayson. But who else is there? He tried to picture others in their school but failed. Andrew watched Ryder as he hesitated again and looked up at him. The teasing was gone from his voice when he answered.
    â€œI do have someone in mind. But…right now, I don’t think I should do anything about it. I don’t want to screw anything up if I’m wrong, you know? It can be hard. Sometimes you fall for someone straight, and it sucks.”
    Though Andrew felt a little disappointment, he nodded. He couldn’t quite