Free Miss Holly Is Too Jolly! by Dan Gutman Page B

screamed.
    I took off the blindfold. Emily was lying on the floor with her hands over her head.
    â€œA.J. hit me!” she yelled.
    â€œIt was an accident!” I said. I must admit I’ve always wanted to hit Emily with a stick, but I would never do it on purpose. It wasn’t my fault that she got so close.
    Miss Holly gasped. “Go to Mrs. Cooney’s office,” she told Emily. Mrs. Cooney is the school nurse.

    Emily went running out of the room, shrieking like an elephant fell on her. What a crybaby! She wasn’t even bleeding or anything.
    I thought Miss Holly was going to letme have another turn, but she said the piñata game was too dangerous to play in school. Bummer in the summer!
    It wasn’t fair. We didn’t even get any candy.

3
Santa Klutz Is Coming to Town
    â€œLine up in ABC order,” said our teacher, Miss Daisy, after we finished pledging the allegiance the next morning. “We’re having an assembly!”
    â€œYay!” said the girls.
    â€œBoo!” said the boys.
    Assemblies are when the whole schoolgoes to the all-purpose room and we have to listen to somebody talk for a million hundred hours. The last time we had an assembly, some children’s book author told us about his books. What a bore! The reading specialist, Mr. Macky, is always trying to get us to read.
    I hate reading.
    But this assembly looked like it was going to be different. The all-purpose room was decorated with big candy canes, snowmen, and fake snow. “Jingle Bells” was playing on the loudspeaker.
    After we sat down, the most amazing thing in the history of the world happened. Something started coming down from the ceiling above the stage!
    At first we couldn’t tell what it was. Then we saw it was a sleigh! As it got lower, we could see Santa Claus sitting in the sleigh. Some kids were pulling long ropes that lowered the sleigh down until it reached the stage.
    â€œHo ho ho!”
    â€œIt’s Santa Claus!” everybody shouted.
    â€œI’m not Santa Claus,” the guy said. He took off his Santa hat so we could see his shiny bald head. “I’m Santa KLUTZ!”

    It was Mr. Klutz, the principal! Everyone started hooting and hollering. Miss Daisy shushed us. Mr. Klutz waited until everybody was quiet. He picked up a microphone so we could hear him better.
    â€œI always gets santamental around the holidays,” Mr. Klutz said. “Get it? Santa mental?”
    â€œHahahahahahahahahaha!”
    We all laughed even though Mr. Klutz didn’t say anything funny. When the principal makes a joke, you should always laugh. That’s the first rule of being a kid. If you don’t laugh at the principal’s jokes, he’ll get mad and lock you in the dungeon down in the basement.
    â€œBut seriously,” Mr. Klutz said, “what do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?”
    â€œWhat?” we all yelled.
    â€œFrostbite!” he said. “Get it? Frost? Bite?”
    â€œHahahahahahahaha!”
    Mr. Klutz is always cracking jokes. He thinks he is a real comedian. But his jokes are terrible. It should be against the law for principals to tell jokes.
    â€œDo you know why Santa’s little helper was depressed?” Mr. Klutz asked.
    â€œWhy?” we all yelled.
    â€œBecause he had low elf-esteem. Get it? Elf? Esteem?”
    â€œHahahahahaha!”
    Maybe if we stopped laughing at his jokes, Mr. Klutz would stop telling them.
    â€œWhat do you call people who are afraid of Santa?” Mr. Klutz asked.
    â€œWhat?” we all yelled.
    â€œClaustrophobic!” he said. “Get it? Claus? Trophobic?”
    â€œHahahaha!”
    It was horrible. It was like watching one of those movies that never ends. I looked over at Ryan and Michael. They rolled their eyes.
    â€œWhat do snowmen eat for breakfast?” Mr. Klutz asked.
    â€œWhat?” we all yelled.
    â€œSnowflakes!” he said. “Get