Free Gone From Me by Kate Channing

lips again. “Um,” she says, climbing off me and the bed. I sit up, waiting for her response. Hand her the CD. She walks to the player, puts the disc in. Turns up the volume. When she turns back, she’s smiling. “I—Okay,” she says, tucking her hands in her back pockets.
    “Let’s make a pact.”
    The music blares from the speakers. Maddie sits next to me. “What? Like a kissing pact?”
    Love is an emotion I’m not familiar with, but as I watch Maddie’s eyes, the way her cheeks scrunch when she smiles, I think that’s what I feel for her. But I’d never tell her that. It’s uncool. Unmanly.
    “Kissing.” I pause, considering how I want to say what I want to say. “Everything. We’ll be each other’s first. At it all. We can practice, get really good. You know, for when we’re older.”
    She squashes her eyes shut, then nods. “Okay.”
    “Repeat after me.” Maddie opens her eyes. Smiles. “ Ready?”
    She nods.
    “I, Maddie Martin, swear to save all my firsts for Kyle Hadley. Including, but not limited to…” I trail off, and wait for her to copy my words.
    “I, Maddie Martin, swear to save all my firsts for Kyle Hadley. ” My breath hitches when she says my name. She’s beautiful. Maddie continues, “Including, but not limited to.” She blushes, and the shriveled mess that is my heart swells.
    “Kissing. Hickeys. Uh, touching, ” I say.
    “Kyle, don’t be a perv.”
    “I’m just trying to cover all the bases,” I say, realizing I really want to cover all the bases , with her and no one else. Maddie is the best person I’ve ever known. More than just beautiful, she’s kind and fun and sweet.
    “Fine. ” She shakes her head. “Kissing. Hickeys. And touching.” She repeats. “Anything else?”
    “Sex, for sure.”
    Her face gets even redder. “Holy crap. I had no idea.”
    “Say it.” My body is warm, and so, so turned on. Never in all my eleven years have I ever felt so much for one person.
    “Sex.” Maddie covers her face with her hands. From behind her hands she clears her throat. “Repeat after me.” She peeks around her fingers. “I, Kyle Hadley, do swear never to tell anyone about this pact.” She smacks my thigh, and I grab her hand in mine.
    “I, Kyle Hadley, swear never to tell anyone about this pact.”
    She nods. Then surprises me. “When should we start practicing?”
    My heart is racing . A thickness surges in the back of my throat. “Saturday night?”
    “Okay. Just kissing though .” She smiles, her huge, dazzling smile. “Brace-face.”
    I swallow, squeeze her hand lightly. “Freckles.”
    “Frizz Head.” She smacks me in the arm.
    “Fish Lips.”
    “Hey,” she says, and laughs.
    “I’m teasing. You have the most beautiful lips…” I trail off, my eyes focused on them. I want to kiss her now. Right this second.
     
    As I watch her sleep, I realize the feelings I had for her at the age of eleven have grown. And I still want to kiss her. More than anything. The emotions are stronger than I ever believed possible.
    We never got the chance to practice. Her parents were killed a couple of days later, and she was gone.    
    Regret momentarily bruises my chest. I didn’t keep my promises. But I know there’s no sense dwelling on it. I can’t change the past any more than I can fix it.
    I pull off my pants, slip off my shirt, and slide into bed beside her. She rolls over, facing me. Still fast asleep. I can’t help but study her, the angle of her jaw and the arch in her brows. Her long lashes. Even with smeared makeup, she’s so beautiful. One of her hands reaches out. I take it and wrap it in mine. Kiss each fingertip.
    “Maddie. Can you hear me?”
    She nods slightly.
    “I’m so glad you’re here. Please let me be a part of your life.”
    She sighs , and I can’t help it. I rub my thumb against her lips. Stroke her jaw, brush the hair off her face. The urge to kiss her is almost unbearable. But I resist. Not yet.
    I close my eyes.