Free Melt by Selene Castrovilla Page B

that
    I
    melt.
    It happens so fast I can’t scream or despair
    can’t panic
    can’t blink
    I just melt.
    No regrets no goodbyes I melt through her arms I melt to the mat
    then
    I
    rise.
    I rise without burdens
    no voices
    in my head
    there’s light
    silent
    light
    lifting through.
    No worries no doubts
    only light
    calm still light
    I feel something light
    it’s me.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â It’s me
    and Doll
    in the quiet
    alone and I’m light I’m
    light I’m
    light.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â Touch me Joey, she says.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â She says, Please.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â So I do.
    Dorothy
    Â Â Â Â Â Â His eyes fill with light, so beautiful. I watch the pain melt from them. Drip, drip, drip, it shrinks down, it just shrivels away ‘til it’s gone. They’re happy now.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â He’s happy.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â I made him happy.
    Joey
    Â Â Â Â Â Â She’s letting it all out it’s like there was all this shit stuffed way inside her that she finally gets to let out.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â I’m letting it out.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â For once I’m doing something good.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â I’m following her now I’m scrambling up a mountain sprinting up up up scuffling over rocks darting around trees splashing through streams there’s a place for us after all there’s a place for us it’s here at the top of this mountain it’s where we can lift off we can leap we can sweep through the sky …
    oh god
    I’m flying
    the breeze on my face it feels so incredible
    I head for the clouds
    I’m right behind her now
    I catch up I take her hand.      

Six
    Dorothy
    Â Â Â Â Â Â â€œHappy birthday, Joey,” I tell him. We’re in Jason’s garage once again. We get to use it about twice a week. The rest of the days we make out by the water, which is pretty great too. I’ve suggested hanging out at Joey’s house, but he won’t go for it, and he won’t say why. He just changes the subject. It’s been nearly four months and I’ve never even seen the inside of his house, or met his parents. Of course we could go to my house—it’s not like my parents barred him, but they sure wouldn’t make him feel at home, either. Things haven’t improved in that area, but the good news is there hasn’t been any noise pollution emitting from the Fields residence.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â So, it’s the water for us when we can’t borrow the garage. I don’t know what’ll happen in the winter, but we’ll tackle that when it comes.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â I cuddle close against him, press my skin into his. His pulse is tranquil now, it’s come down from its heightened state. “Want your presents?”
    Â Â Â Â Â Â â€œYou mean there’s more?”
    Â Â Â Â Â Â â€œThis wasn’t a gift, we do this all the time.”
    Â Â Â Â Â Â â€œThis’s everything I want,” he says, and I know he means it, but he’s still getting his stuff.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â I hoist myself up, grab his crumpled Black Sabbath T-shirt, throw it on—I like to wear his shirts because they’re long on me and they smell like him—and I head to the corner where I hid his presents under a bench press. “Jason let me drop these off yesterday,” I explain, carrying three gifts over to him, two small and one large. They’re wrapped in firecracker red paper, which in fact does have lit, sizzling firecrackers depicted all over it, together with the words, “Hope your birthday’s dynamite!” Corny, but colorful. I plop them in front of him on the mat. He sits up, pulls them in. He’s still naked, and all those muscles in motion look so luscious, I have to do a mental slap so I don’t jump his bones again. Not that he