Free Personae by Sergio De La Pava

failure to convince on behalf of the meritorious side?
     
    Honor thy aged until they cease to age, that’s how I was raised. So obviously when it came time to decide who gets to go I immediately lowered my lever for you. The problem is Ludwig and Adam seemingly raised theirs for Clarissa.
     
    It’s a common misconception and those two are nothing if not common. If y’aint got nothing you got nothing to lose and therefore if you have little, in your case little of what we’ll call future life, you by extension have little to lose. Of course you and I know different.
     
    The reason the widow giving alms is so impressive is because it’s infinitely harder to part with what’s scarce right? Anyone can watch their surfeit dwindle slightly but try and wrest that last piece of bread from the street urchin and see where that gets you. By that analysis, if staying in this room is an invitation to Death, as seems clear, then it’s actually you who has the most to lose.
     
    You who’ve witnessed the unspooling of a long, rich life. Who’ve tasted every possible permutation of the bitter and the sweet. Only you among us truly understands what all can be lost.
     
    So I argued and so was I overruled by my insensate audience. There are some who would argue a form of civil disobedience at this point. Alas I cannot bring myself to say what reflexively forms on my tongue, that you may rightly controvert an authority derived solely from numbers in a matter of such importance.
     
    The good news I suppose is that if you mindlessly accede to their decision you likely won’t live to regret it. I mean that you won’t have the sensation of realizing you were wrong if you stay so the decision to stay would be senseless in a sense. Either way don’t blame them Charles, they’re just kids.
     
    ( Charles sits up but says nothing. Nearby Ludwig is done informing Adam and moves toward Clarissa, who is preparing to leave, before pausing to think out loud. )
     
    LUDWIG: Damn me if the mere voicing of questions hasn’t led me to question, resulting in an expanding universe of explananda. And send me further down if that’s not the way of this place where what we say with conviction determines truth more than the other way around. Yet this remains a time and place to act on not in .
     
    ( Ludwig turns and returns to Adam. Clarissa remains alone preparing. )
     
    CLARISSA: And precisely when does an eager embrace with Death’s most trusted deputy convert into a kind of plausibly deniable self-immolation? Who wears more blame? He who sits on the piano to play poorly or she who ignores the strident notes and allows herself to be played on?
     
    Maybe I’m more like a player piano, feed the sheet and listen to the highly predictable result. If so I aver that I’m out of tune. I can sound the notes, vary their volume and timbre, but they’ll no longer take melodious form.
     
    At least if unjust suffering is somehow graver I can content myself with the justice of mine. After all should I not feed on the same meal I prepared and served others? And if I consume more of it and accordingly get sicker is that not just?
     
    ( Ludwig enters. )
     
    LUDWIG: You know Clarissa I didn’t mean to suggest that you had to be the one to go.
     
    CLARISSA: I’m sorry, you were mean to suggest what?
     
    LUDWIG: No I’m saying I didn’t intend  . . . to insinuate that…
     
    CLARISSA: Don’t worry Ludwig, I think I understand.
     
    LUDWIG: You do?
     
    CLARISSA: Of course, you feel guilty.
     
    LUDWIG: Guilty?
     
    CLARISSA: Sure. I know what you did.
     
    LUDWIG: You do? I can explain.
     
    CLARISSA: I mean you had this great benefit to confer and four friends in great need of beneficence and you essentially chose me. Don’t think I don’t appreciate it is what I’m saying.
     
    LUDWIG: Listen.
     
    CLARISSA: So grateful am I in fact that I’m going to ex post facto make you feel better about your decision.
     
    LUDWIG: