purse ina dressing room if you go out to get a different size,â she says as we get out of the car.
Jorie rolls her eyes, which are pale blue, like faded jeans. âBye, Mom. Love you.â She tucks her arm through mine and lets out a contented sigh. âI love the mall.â
I laugh. Sheâs in her second home.
We go into this store with way-too-loud music and a fake-friendly girl handing out coupons and spritzing us with perfume. Jorie takes a dozen dresses into a room. Colors called Morocco and Miami. (Red and yellow.) Jorie comes out and models them for me.
âHow would I wear my hair with this one? What about shoes? What goes with yellow? The red one makes me look like I have more on top, donât you think? Do you know Eliâs favorite color? The boy has to match his tie to the girlâs dress. I probably should eliminate Miami. Eli wouldnât want to wear a yellow tie.â
âAre you going to let me answer, Jor?â I smile at her in the mirror.
âWhich is your favorite?â
My nails still have little bits of the light pink polish she did weeks ago. I hold them up. âIâm pink; youâre red.â
âYouâre absolutely right. I just want to try on that purple one.â¦Â â She goes back into the dressing room.
I walk around the store, trying to avoid the perfume girl (who doesnât remember she already sprayed me), and I see Sariah, with a woman who must be her mom.
Uh-oh. I donât want to hear any more about frogs. And if I say hi and Jorie sees us talking, I know sheâll do that half smile with the corner of her lips pulled up. A
Whoâs she?
smile. I morph into not such a nice person, pretending to be absorbed in a rack of tank tops.
This erases, like, ten good things.
Luckily, Sariah and her mom leave the store, and I donât think she saw me. Or if she did, maybe she also spotted Jorie coming my way in a ruffly purple dress (Maui) and got it.
Then I see it. A dress. I pull it out. Blue. Not even really blue, more like a hint of the lightest blue you could ever imagine. I have to summon vocabulary words to describe it. Words like âgossamerâ and âethereal.â If I was going to homecoming, I wouldnât have to try on a dozen dresses. This would be it. If I got asked. Which is unlikely. Closer to impossible.
On the way home, in the backseat of her momâs car, Jorie turns to me. âI have a serious question. Why do you never text me back? Are you ignoring me or something?â
âItâs my phone. Itâs possessed. Texts donât always come through.â
âNina Ross. How can you live without a phone? Sometimes I just do not
get
you.â
I know.
âBut,â she says, leaning her head on my shoulder, âI love you.â
I know.
âRemember at camp, when we jumped off the cliff together into that freezing lake?â she says.
âTogether? You made me.â
âI had to! That was the only way you were going to jump!â
âWe screamed the whole way.â
Hitting the water, I thought I was going to drown. I plummeted so deep into the shocking cold that I thought,
This is how Iâm going to die
. Jorie grabbed my arm and pulled me to the shore. Then brought me my towel. Wrapped me up and rubbed my back until my teeth stopped chattering.
She lifts her head. âIt was fun that day. One of our best times.â
âJor.â I blink back a tear, then lean against her.
She takes my hand.
For a split second of our lives, we are right there with each other.
âI love you too,â I whisper.
She closes her eyes. âItâs hard. So much effort. Being
on
all the time â¦â
I think about her seventh birthday party. And now her new group. The guy with the plaid shorts throwing her water bottle.
âThen donât do it,â I say. âJust be yourself. Remember, everyone else is already taken.â
Jorie shakes her
Harold Bloom, Eugene O’Neill
The Worm in The Bud (txt)