Free Little White Lies by Brianna Baker

Really? Sure.
    Dear Coretta
,
    I’m a freshman girl, and I just got asked out by a really hot senior guy. When I told my mom about the date, she said I wasn’t allowed to go out with a senior. I told her she was being a hypocrite, since she is ten years younger than my dad, and that I’m old enough to make my own decisions, so I’m going out with him anyway. Am I right?
    —Fourteen and Fierce
    K: Fourteen and Fierce, huh?
    C: That’s her name.
    K: Okay.
    Dear F & F
,
    No, you are not right. You’re fourteen years old. You should be old enough to make many of your own decisions, maybe even most of them. But not all of them—especially as long as you’re living under your parents’ roof. I’m not able to make all of my own decisions without consulting my parents first, and I’ve got three years on you. And I’m the one you’re writing for advice
.
    First of all, the older you get, the more entitled you are to being a hypocrite. And having kids basically grants you a lifetime license to practice hypocrisy. So forget about playing the hypocrite card
.
    Now if you really thought you were entitled to date any guy you please no matter his age, then you probably wouldn’t have told your mom about the date in the first place. Unless you thought she would approve, given your parents’ vast age difference? Hmmmm …
    Time is relative, F & F. My father is ten years older than my mother, too, but they met when he was thirty-eight and she was twenty-eight—she was twice your age and had ten-plus years of dating experience. Senior guys who date freshman girls are at worst predators and at best losers. And it’s not always easy for a freshman girl to recognize that
.
    So, F & F, if I were you, I would try to think of your mom’s rule as good advice and stick to dating guys your own age, at least until your second year of college. Then anything goes, right, Mom?
    With love
,
    Coretta
    C: Hey, that wasn’t bad. Very earnest. And you even knew my parents’ exact age difference …
    K: I’m just riffing. But yes, I’m diligent. And that’s how I write—fast. I can tell that’s how you write, too. Which is good. And like I said, everything I write will go through you first before it gets posted.
    C: Okay. So how will that work?
    K: I’ll send everything to you, you make whatever changes you want, and you post it yourself.
    C: Sounds simple enough.
    K: And if for any reason you want me to post something, I’ll send it to you for approval first. You can tell me whatever changes you want, and then I’ll put it up.
    C: Great.
    K: Anything else?
    C: I barely have time to read other people’s tweets, let alone retweet them.
    K: Perfect. I can keep my eye on Twitter for you, and when I see something you should like or retweet, I’ll send you the link. I’d also like to see you more involved with Black Twitter.
    C: Black Twitter?
    K: You don’t know Black Twitter?
    C: Is that a hashtag or a community?
    K: Oh, it’s both. And girl, you need to get yourself to Black Twitter
right now
!
    C: I’ll definitely check it out. By the way, you kinda sounded a little bit black just then. Oh, and slightly gay.
    K: So you’re a racist and a homophobe.
    C: Impossible. My best friend is white.
    K: All right, then. It was nice talking with you. Call me anytime, day or night. But I much prefer text or email.
    C: Got it! Anything else?
    K: One more thing: the level of secrecy you mentioned? It’s absolutely essential for our arrangement to succeed. Now I’m sure that AllYou™ had you sign a nondisclosure agreement. That shit is for real. You cannot tell anyone that I or anyone else is helping you with
Little White Lies
. ANYONE. Understand?
    C: Yes, sir!
    K: I’m sorry to get all heavy at the end here. If you do ever feel the need to reveal anything about our arrangement, just make sure you consult with AllYou™ before you do. Same if you want to terminate our arrangement. As long as you’re professional about it, I’m not going