Free Awakenings - SF1 by Susan X Meagher Page B

two if I gloss over the scary parts," she drawled.
    "Was it really hard for you Ryan?" she asked as her face grew serious. "I mean, you seem very happy being gay now."
    "Yeah, I am perfectly content with who I am now, sexually at least," she said with a smile. "But it was really hard for me. I mean, I knew from a very early age that I was somehow different from the other girls. But I didn't understand how I was different...I just knew there was something."
    "Did you have boyfriends when you were younger?" Jamie inquired gently.
    "Nope...never had one. No dates, no crushes, nothing! And I don't think I ever will at this point," she replied with a small smile.
    Jamie gave her a tentative smile as she shot a look up and down her rather voluptuous but still sleek form. "I don't mean to embarrass you, but how did you avoid having boys hound you? You're pretty gorgeous, you know."
    "Thanks," Ryan grinned. "I was lucky because I went to an all girls high school, so that took some of the pressure off. There weren't any guys around to make it obvious that I wasn't interested. I was really into sports and the girls I hung out with weren't very boy crazy either. Plus I was almost 5' 10" by the end of 8 th grade. I was a head taller than the boys my age until I was 16 or so."
    "So you really had no interest in going out with guys?"
    "Zip," she said decisively. "I liked boys, but I thought of them as friends. I just couldn't imagine kissing one of them. I really didn't understand what was going on with me. I mean, most of my friends talked about guys they liked and by high school guys were the main topic of conversation for most of my classmates. But it was not until the end of my junior year that it all fell into place for me."
    Jamie waited expectantly for Ryan to continue. But her face had clouded and she stared into her mug with a very sad look on her face.
    "We don't have to talk about this, Ryan," she said softly as she placed her hand gently on Ryan's forearm.
    She looked up at her with such pain in her eyes that Jamie had to resist the urge to reach out and wrap her in a hug. "It's okay, Jamie," she replied with a little catch in her voice. "I knew I was gay because I finally realized that I was madly in love with my best friend." She pursed her lips as she needlessly added, "Let's just say that she did not share my feelings."
    Jamie slid her hand down and grasped Ryan's hand. She gave it a little squeeze as she caught and held her gaze. "I'm sorry," she said simply.
    Ryan's lips slowly curled up into a shy smile. "I don't know why, but I'm kind of embarrassed by this," she admitted, as a look of shame passed across her face. "I know it was a long time ago, but it still hurts me to think about it. Those early wounds don't ever seem to go away. When I think of that time, I feel just as devastated today as I did then," she admitted with a forlorn look.
    "Well, I think it's her loss to refuse a prize like you," Jamie said before she could censor the words falling out of her mouth.
    Ryan looked at her with a large measure of surprise on her face, but she recovered to give Jamie a huge crooked grin. "Easy for you to say now, but I was kind of a mess back then."
    "I rather doubt you were ever a mess, Ryan," she replied confidently.
    They passed the next few minutes in idle chatter. Ryan stood after a bit and shrugged out of her leather jacket, folding it neatly and placing it over the arm of the sofa. Jamie had a hard time controlling her desire to stare at Ryan's sculpted body, starkly outlined by the skin tight French cut t-shirt that covered her. To her relief Babs approached again. "Hey, Irish, are you gonna ride again this year?" she asked as she nodded her head toward a large poster proclaiming the 5th Annual California AIDS Ride.
    "Yep, I'm doing it again," Ryan replied. "Don't worry Babs, I'll be hitting you up for a sponsorship sooner than you wish."
    "Oh Ryan, that is so cool! Every year I watch the news coverage of the ride.