Free 44 by Jools Sinclair

somewhere.
I wondered if that was why he only worked with teenagers.
    “Fine, I guess,” I said. I was nervous, worried that
once I began, I wouldn’t be able to stop. And I didn’t want to get
all flustered and start talking about the visions. I was going to
listen to Jesse’s advice on that.
    “Frustrated, actually,” I said, crossing my legs and
sitting up in the chair. “It’ll be a year and nothing’s changed.
I’m not really moving forward. I don’t know what I’m doing or where
I’m going and I’m sick of everybody thinking I’m such a freak.”
    Fat raindrops splattered against the window. I
stared at them for a moment, trying to hide my wet eyes.
    “Good,” he finally said.
    “Good?” I asked, sarcastically.
    “Good, because that’s the first real thing you’ve
said since we started.”
    I nodded.
    “Pick one thing. One thing you really want to
discuss and we’ll go from there.”
    I picked Amanda. I was honest about everything,
about how she was always blowing me off and seemed angry with me
and I had no idea why. And how it was really bugging me, but I was
too afraid to talk to her.
    “It seems to be getting worse,” I said.
    “Maybe it’s like you said. Maybe she lost out
because the team is no good anymore. Maybe she was riding on your
coattails a little bit and now she has to do it on her own. Do you
know if she has any colleges lined up for next year?”
    Then I remembered. Something. It came from nowhere,
just slithered back into my mind like it had always been there the
entire time.
    And it was big. Before the accident, Amanda and
Jesse were dating.
    “Oh, my God, it’s about Jesse,” I said. “It’s not
about soccer. It’s about Jesse!”
    “What about Jesse?” he asked, scribbling.
    “Amanda was totally in love with him. I remember! I
remember!”
    It happened. The first lost memory had found its way
back. A memory had returned. And then a few more filled my mind as
I closed my eyes.
    They came back in waves, more and more as I talked
with Dr. Krowe about Amanda. We were in a car, her car, and she was
driving. We were headed to the mall when she started talking about
Jesse and then nervously asked if it would be okay to go out with
him. I remember laughing. “Of course, Jesse and I are just
friends.” I told her that even though there was a small tug at my
heart. I was all about Conner then and we had just started dating.
“You guys should go out, really.” I remembered feeling happy that
my two best friends would be together, that Jesse found someone he
was interested in. Then I remembered seeing them together, in the
hallway, holding hands during football games.
    Of course she hated me!
    I told Dr. Krowe everything, even if it was painful
realizing what I had been doing, I felt thrilled. Thrilled to have
those memories back.
    “Excellent,” he said as he wrote in his notepad.
“This is a tremendous breakthrough. And it’s just the beginning.
You’ve taken the hardest step here today, Abby. This has been a
very good session.”
    I stood up. It was the fastest hour since I had
started seeing Dr. Krowe.
    “See you next week,” I said.
    “You have my number. Call if any other things come
up. I’m always available.”
    I smiled. My life was coming back to me.

CHAPTER 19
     
    I decided not to mention the specifics of my
memories to Jesse, especially about Amanda, until I was ready. It
felt great to understand things, why Amanda had turned on me. But
there were still mysteries, things I didn’t know. Like why weren’t
they still hanging out? I hadn’t seen them together since I had
come back to school. I felt stupid suddenly about how I had told
him I loved him. No wonder it was too late. Of course it was. He
was with Amanda.
    When I picked him up, I told Jesse about the great
session with Dr. Krowe and that some memories came back. I was
still flying high. I was so excited.
    “That’s awesomo, Craigers!” he said as we drove.
“See, Doc Mortimer was