Free Short Stories To Tickle Your Funnybone by Robert Thornhill Page A

Stephanie Plum series and we
fell
in love. We read all
14 books that were
available at the time and laughed till we cried.
I had
never written a
book, a
blog or
anything of substance, but I was so fired up when I
finished Fearless Fourteen , I had to do something.
I went into our office, sat down at my
computer and pretended I was Janet. I wrote three
chapters and gave them to Peg who had also read
all 14 books.
I heard her laughing and thought that was a
good sign. After she finished, she came to the
office and said "Janet doesn't need any help. You
should write a book of your own. Stop writing
Stephanie Plum, develop your OWN characters
and plot. I know you can do it."
So
I
did,
and
the
Lady
Justice
mystery/comedy series was born.
    Currently there are eleven novels in the series: Lady Justice Takes a C.R.A.P. City Retiree Action
Patrol
Lady Justice and the Lost Tapes
Lady Justice Gets Lei'd
Lady Justice and the Avenging Angels
Lady Justice and the Sting
Lady Justice and Dr. Death
Lady Justice and the Vigilante
Lady Justice and the Watchers
Lady Justice and the Candidate
Lady Justice and the Book Club Murders
Lady
Justice
and the Cruise
Ship Murders Following are the three Stephanie Plum Chapters
that I wrote.
    Please remember ---- I was sixty-six years old
and this was the FIRST THING that I had ever
written.
Hope you enjoy them!

Chapter 1
    It
was
Christmas
time
in
the
Burg.
Shopping Malls were decked in holiday tradition;
city fathers hung plastic bells from lampposts;
miniature elves cavorted on front lawns; shoppers
of all ages and descriptions scurried about looking
for that perfect gift and, of course, petty crime was
on the rise as shoplifters used the bustling crowds
to mask their petty thievery. Break and enter
complaints
flourished
as
burglars
relieved
unhappy
shoppers of their Christmas treasures
from their homes and cars.
    As regrettable as this crime surge may be,
it’s kinda good for me. I’m Stephanie Plum and
I’m a bounty hunter or, as we
put on loan
applications, a fugitive apprehension agent. I work
for my cousin Vinnie’s Bond Company.
    When a neer-do-well is apprehended by
police, they call Vinnie to bond them out of jail
until their court date. If the slacker shows up for
court Vinnie’s bond is returned and he collects a
fee for his services. If he doesn’t appear, he
forfeits his bond (meaning Vinnie’s money) unless
he can be found and persuaded to return for a
court date. That’s where I come in. My job is to
find the FTA (failure to appear) and persuade him
or her to return to the police station to get a new
court date and be rebonded out.
    Sounds pretty simple, doesn’t it. Right!
A few FTAs legitimately forget their court
dates,
but
most
are
adamantly
opposed
to
incarceration and will go to any extremes to avoid
the lockup. I’ve been punched, tased, shot at,
bombed and generally maimed by these fugitives
and if, by chance, I happen to be successful in
bringing one to justice, I am paid a percentage of
the bond for my trouble.
In a way, I’m like a real estate agent or a
car salesman; they only get paid when they make a
sale; I only get paid when I return a scumbag to
the police booking desk. Unfortunately, I’m not a
real superstar bond apprehension agent. You might
say I’m just a shade
under mediocre and my
income reflects my apprehension shortcomings.
So here we are. It’s Christmas and I’m
broke. I’m driving a yucky brown piece of crap
car that barely passed the vehicle inspection and
probably wouldn’t have except my cousin Jenny’s
husband is a mechanic at the inspection station.
Reluctantly, I told myself that now was the
time to correct my financial woes. Crime was up;
FTAs were
skipping
their court dates
at
an
astounding rate and best of all, most of them were
just
petty
thieves: no
rapists or murders or
gangbangers. Easy Money! I probably wouldn’t
even have to use my pepper spray, stun gun or
cuffs and I certainly