Free Theatre of the Gods by M. Suddain

exploring alternate realities: when he was young, beardless, cocky and unbridled; when he gambolled with women and had adventures; when he took hallucinogenic cactus on Zapotek and dreamed he was a tortoise. He had thrown in his comfortable position as a researcherto join the Academy’s Exploratory Unit. He could never have imagined then where this decision would lead him as he stood before the esteemed members of the Academy and proposed, ‘… an ocean of infinite possibilities’.
    ‘My near-death experience at the cannon’s eye has shown me the way. If our universe is the sum of what is probable, then the Omniverse is a collection of all that is possible. We are on the cusp of a dramatic new age in exploration, an era which I call “The Dream Age”. This rapid expansion of our consciousness will lead us to dimensions full of strange new treasures. It is likely that we will find examples of universes almost precisely like ours.’
    He heard laughter from the dimness of the auditorium. But the young explorer was undeterred. ‘It might be possible to find dimensions at different points in time/space. To travel to them would be to travel forwards and backwards through history, to stop wars before they begin, to share knowledge of the future, to save great men and women from horrible ends, to become immortal, to know the mind of the gods .’
    A galaxy of wide unblinking eyes. What heresy was this?
    ‘It might be that in an adjoining reality there is a man identical to me giving this exact same speech – only he is even more handsome. Imagine sending diplomatic missions to our own Empire! It might be possible to do this, but it will take more than intellectual effort from us. It will take an explorer’s heart. It will take balls !’
    More laughter from the darkness.
    ‘And no ordinary balls, either. We’ll need balls the size of spheres to do this. But more than this, for the Dream Age to succeed, humanity will need to set aside its differences and come together as one great species.’
    The most laughter yet from the darkness.
    ‘What does he mean, exactly?’ said the scholars who lean on bars. ‘That there is another universe where the Wall vanishes and the Vangardiks become our brothers?’
    ‘What is he saying?’ said the ladies who meet for tea. ‘That there is a dimension where moons are cheese? Ridiculous.’
    ‘Are you proposing,’ said his arch-rival, Helbosch, ‘that somewhere there is a universe exactly like this except that I am stark naked?’
    ‘Perhaps,’ replied Fabrigas, ‘though that is certainly not a universe which I would like to be in.’ Everyone had giggled royally, yet his proposal had won few supporters. The scientific journals sagged beneath the weight of condemnation. His reputation crumbled, as did his mind. He was seen wandering the corridors of the Academy in a dishevelled state, muttering under his breath. He let his beard grow long. As he ate alone in the dining arcade, he could hear people murmuring, ‘I wonder if there is another universe where Fabrigas brushes the crumbs from his beard.’
    ‘Well, at least he has his balls for company.’
    *
    Things came to a terrifying head on a beautiful summer’s day on a tiny planet called New Hermes. Fabrigas had taken a plot of land in the wilderness there so that he could carry out some field experiments that would prove some very important things about the nature of space and gravity. Most of these, alarmingly, involved blowing things up, or firing cannons at them, or both. ‘In the heart of an explosion lies the secrets to the universe!’ said Fabrigas. On the seventh day, in a field full of charred craters littered with empty WD40-X canisters, Fabrigas announced to his shell-shocked audience that he was going to prove the fundamental constant of gravity by firing his master into the sky with a cannon. ‘If my calculations are correct,’ the young man said, ‘then he will join the orbit of this planet for a single