Free Totally Joe by James Howe

mumbled something about how he couldn’t talk right then and walked away. He wouldn’t even
look
at me!
    The next day we didn’t have school because ofsomething called Staff Development Day. Ms. Wyman told us in math that it was a day for teachers to learn. I don’t know what they were learning, but I wondered what they would do if they learned about Colin and me and all the stuff that was being said about us. And that got me wondering if any of the teachers were gay and if they’d had things like the kissing rumor happen to them when they were in school.
    It’s good we had Tuesday off. I got to have an entire day to feel sorry for myself and try to figure out whether I should hate Colin or not. I mean, I couldn’t exactly hate him (he’s Colin, hello), but I couldn’t exactly like him either. I didn’t feel like talking to any of my friends, and Jeff was in his room clicking away on his computer. (Probably writing total porn to that girlfriend of his.) (Not that I would have talked to him about what was going on, anyway.) (Can you
picture
it? “Oh, sure, Joe, the same thing happened to me when I was in seventh grade and got caught holding hands with
my
boyfriend.”) (Yeah, that’s gonna happen.)
    I knew the only person I could really talk to was Aunt Pam. And that’s just what I was going to do. The minute she got home from work, I was going to say we shouldmake a big bowl of popcorn and go up to her room and hang out and talk. I was even going to come out to her—I mean, I know that she knows, but I’ve never said the actual g-word, and anyway, I thought it would kind of make it official and get the ball rolling, family-wise. “Aunt Pam,” I was going to say to her, “I’m gay, and I’m having boyfriend trouble.” And she’d be able to tell me what to do because she’s super-smart and—remember?—she wants me to be so fine I’ll shine.
    But then when she did come home, I didn’t have a chance to say anything, because before I could even open my mouth, she was telling me that she’s moving back to New York
right after Thanksgiving
, which is only a few weeks away! She sounded all excited and happy. It seems her friend found them an apartment in this really cool part of the city and she’s getting to start her new job sooner than planned and blah blah blah. She said she’d miss me, and she was sorry it was so soon. I think she promised to come back for Christmas. I don’t know. After it hit me that she was really leaving, I kind of stopped listening.
    As days go, Tuesday totally sucked, and I was sure Wednesday would be even worse. I was right, but not for the reasons I thought. It turned out nobody was talking about Colin and me anymore. The kissing rumor was soover. Why? Because this girl had let this boy touch her under her shirt on the stairs
right outside the main office
, and now she was a slut and he was a stud, and that’s all anybody was talking about. It was like being inside some weird reality show on TV. Except in this case getting voted off the island was like winning. That’s what it felt like to have nobody talking about Colin and me kissing—like we’d been voted off the island and we’d won!
    I
almost
felt like a winner, until I went to my locker at lunch and found Colin’s note. After that, I was back on the island and the biggest loser in the whole world.
    LIFE LESSON : Middle school is like being trapped in a reality show where there’s no way off the island and you’re always a loser.

L is for
LEFTOVERS
    THANKSGIVING WAS THREE DAYS AGO . The relatives have gone away and we’re still eating the turkey loaf we made out of the leftover turkey. Usually, I love leftovers. When my dad and I make chili (which I sometimes make on my own) (it’s
really
good) (maybe I’ll be a world-famous chef when I grow up)… anyway, when we make chili, I