Free Will She Be Mine by Subir Banerjee

eventually. I don’t know how they manage it, but Rajat, if you can honestly make that kind of money in a government job then why not go for one with an open mind? Such a job should be your first priority, since these jobs also carry job security and a pension at the end.”
    “But I never competed for IAS entrance exams. The job which you applied on my behalf is an ordinary government job, not IAS.”
    “It’s not ordinary- it’s in the scientific cadre. You’d become a technocrat over time as you scale the heights of your profession.”
    “Only to report to a dumb, arrogant administrator at the top who doesn’t understand science or technology, but makes the rules of the game all the same?”
    “I wasn’t trying to compare technocrats with administrators when I referred to making good money in government jobs,” he clarified. “I’m aware there are always some unscrupulous people who make money, no matter where they work.”
    “Now I’m confused.”
    “Let me explain. Not everybody is unscrupulous or corrupt. Your salaries increase with seniority. By growing, if you get an opportunity to make that kind of honest money- with which to buy two or three houses and a few new cars- you shouldn’t overlook such opportunities. Some people also go on foreign assignments that catapult one’s savings further.”
    I nodded, though still unclear of his rationale. He was a simple man who’d only seen others grow and make money to buy more houses than one, and imagined everyone else’s source of money to be as honest as his own. In his simple way, he wished similar success for his favorite son. I didn’t mind his advice despite my objections. It was enough to know that at heart he was honest and meant well.
    “Have faith in your abilities,” he said in the end, unable to rationalize further. I didn’t persist in ripping apart his beliefs either. “Your interview took place for a good role in a progressive organization. If you get the job, it’ll be good for your career. Otherwise, after over two years of sitting idle at home, it might be difficult to land a respectable job.”
    He had made a valid point this time. But my interview had taken place nearly a year ago, and I never heard back from the government organization after that. I’d mostly forgotten about it, aware that I had not fared too well at the interview. There had been nearly twenty interviewers on the panel and I had felt literally gang raped by the crowd. Even my ragging at college as a freshman had been milder in comparison.
    Somehow I’d managed to live through the ordeal. After what I went through, I thought they owed me at least a rejection slip out of courtesy, but I got none. It was any day easier to break a wall with one's head than expect courteous behavior from some employers in this country if they rejected you. Father applied to some other jobs too, but no one else called me for interview.
    It didn’t matter. The good part was that Shalini was back in Delhi. She remained friendly with me and even agreed to accompany me to eating joints on some evenings or Sundays, though she never broached the topic of marriage from her side. When I raised it, she smiled disdainfully.
    “You don't give up, do you?”
    “What’s wrong with marrying me?” I challenged.
    “You don’t even earn, RK,” was all she commented finally. “What can I say? I do feel bad, but sometimes feel you're emotionally unstable.”
    That wasn’t a good assessment for a girl to have of her beau. She’d soon give up on me as hopeless if she thought that way. My days passed by in misery. After hearing her comment about my joblessness, I felt desperate to apply to a job that paid well. The IT industry seemed alluring in that sense, but I had a degree in aeronautical engineering, with no experience in software or IT. Did one’s major matter? My first job through our college’s campus recruitment had been in marketing, not in aeronautics, though I chucked that job