Free The Courtyard by Marcia Willett Page B

stared at him in surprise. ‘I’m not. Oh John, please talk to me. I can see something’s wrong.’
    â€˜Oh, of course you can.’ His fear was translating into rage and it was a relief to let it erupt and get it out of his system. ‘You can always see everything, can’t you? You’re so bloody clever. You’re always right and I’m always wrong.’
    â€˜That’s not true—’
    â€˜Oh yes it is. It’s always been true. My parents, Rupert, you. Always right! And I’m sick of it. Oh God!’
    He buried his face in his hands while Nell watched him in horror. She cast around for something that she might say that wouldn’t be misunderstood. In the end she could only think of one thing.
    â€˜I love you,’ she said. ‘I love you, John.’ She moved to sit beside him and tentatively put her hand on his arm.
    â€˜No you don’t.’ John lifted his head and stared in front of him. His face was bleak and Nell felt frightened. ‘Nobody ever has. Nobody could. It’s just not possible.’

    â€˜John—’
    â€˜No!’ He threw off her hand and got up. ‘Leave me alone. And for God’s sake stop looking like that. Oh Christ! I’m going out!’
    The door slammed behind him and Nell pressed her hands tight together to stop them trembling. Her hopes that things might not be as bad as she feared completely vanished away. She had been waiting for a moment to talk to him, to ask how things were, without it seeming like a confrontation but the moment never arose. He accused her, before she’d hardly started, of mistrusting him, of having no confidence in him and he managed to create a situation which made it impossible to ask him anything without it looking exactly as he said.
    Nell drew up her legs and folded them under her. She had started to scan the newspapers for jobs that she might be able to apply for on the grounds that they sounded like fun or offered a challenge so that he might think that she was in no way criticising him or posing a threat. So far nothing in this category had appeared. All the time that they weren’t evicted, had enough for the housekeeping, paid the bills, she had nothing of which to complain, nothing to question. And somehow, he was still managing to achieve these things – as far as she knew. He was careful now to keep all his correspondence hidden away – probably at the office – but the time was coming when one particular issue had to be discussed.
    The fund that Nell had insisted on setting aside for Jack’s School fees was nearly finished. Soon she was going to have to ask where the rest of the fees would be coming from and she had no intention of being ignored or distracted from it. This was the one thing that she wouldn’t let pass and, as her own world seemed to be crumbling round her, she was adamant that Jack should have a stable education. John was already making noises about finding a cheaper flat and the small luxuries that she’d once taken for granted were no longer forthcoming. She didn’t mind that too much. For herself, she could cope. But Jack must have the best that she could do for him. He loved school; enjoying the companionship of other boys, excelling at his lessons,
revelling in the outdoor life and the sport that the school offered. He was asked out to his friends’ homes on Sundays and invited on holidays with them and Nell knew that he was building up a network that would be there for him all his life. It was the best she could do for him and nothing would prevent her. There was talk of a scholarship to Sherborne or even Winchester and after that it was up to Jack himself. Until then every sacrifice must be made.
    Nell shivered. The fire had died down and the room was cold. Before she could move, the door opened and John stood looking at her.
    â€˜I’m sorry, Nell.’ He looked at her beseechingly and his mouth