Free Jane and Austen by Stephanie Fowers

couple chatted amiably with him about the differences of weather. Predictably, Austen got bored. “You know,” he said, “if Redd wanted to stay here, Jane has a way of finding a place for everybody at North Abbey. It’s like the fish and loaves—something for everyone. You should know that reference, Reverend.”
    Eddy looked up politely, but Redd continued his conversation with the minister’s wife as if Austen hadn’t spoken. Once again, I wasn’t a subject that Redd wished to pursue.
    Austen tried again. “Jane’s also an excellent surfer. I think she gets that from all the instructors she’s had.”
    Redd would know that I was a lousy surfer because he had offered to teach me, but again Austen’s attempts fell on deaf ears. Austen hid another laugh. I glared at him. Apparently, this had turned into a game to see how far Austen could push Redd before he talked to me.
    “Jane,” Austen said. “Is that a spider on your arm?”
    I jumped.
    “What?” Taylor cried. She propelled to her feet and danced around in her attempts to smash it. “Where did it go?”
    The music came to an abrupt halt while everyone but Redd and me searched for the nonexistent spider. I was going to kill Austen for that one. He pointed my general direction, and Taylor brushed at me while trying not to touch me. Elly stomped the floor in her sleek black boots in an attempt to kill it, while Eddy watched on.
    Ann-Marie stood up from behind the piano, her face pale. “Is it dead yet?”
    “Yeah,” I said, shoving everyone’s helpful hands away. “It’s gone. It’s gone. Pretty much smashed dead.”
    Redd gave me a disgusted look and went to our little piano player who stood vulnerably by the bench. “Are you all right?” he asked her.
    “Yes,” Ann-Marie said in her most fragile voice.
    “Did you need someone to turn pages?”
     “I would like that very much.”
    Sure, the captain showed concern when I wasn’t the victim. Austen coughed, and I knew it was to cover up another laugh as I stood, forgotten, in the middle of the room while everyone else patted themselves to ensure there were no creepy-crawly eight-footed creatures on them. Maybe that meant that I was excused?
    I tried to slip from the room, but Taylor’s voice stopped me. “You haven’t said hello to Elly yet, Jane.”
    “Oh, sorry.” I rushed to Taylor’s cousin to remedy the situation. “I’m sorry for that poor introduction, Elly.” I sat down on the couch facing her and her husband, Eddy. The couple both had very pleasant looks on their faces and exchanged the most polite conversation I’d ever experienced—possibly in my lifetime, most definitely since this morning.
    Austen found the other side of the couch next to me, and after the minister and his wife gathered my life history, I listened to theirs, trying to ignore Austen’s smirks and coughs.
    “Do you know how they met?” Taylor asked.
    I shook my head and scooted closer to Austen, having every intention of elbowing him in the ribs if he didn’t stop laughing at the snub Redd had given me. “I don’t believe you’ve mentioned it,” I said.
    “They were in-laws first,” Taylor said.
    “Uh . . .”
    “Not like that! Their siblings got married first,” Taylor said, “and Elly’s new sister-in-law was such a pill. Elly couldn’t imagine that Fran’s brother could actually be so sweet.”
    “No, no,” Elly countered. “Fran is a dear.”
    Taylor put a hand over her mouth in a fake whisper. “In Elly language that means that the two are barely on speaking terms. When Elly’s parents went on a big European vacation a few years ago, Fran and Elly’s brother decided to come over and house-sit. Elly was already staying at the house and going to school, so there really wasn’t a reason, except Elly’s brother and Fran wanted free rent. And Fran was so bossy, she took the best rooms in the house and refused to invite Elly to any of the parties she held in Elly’s own house .