Free Great-Aunt Sophia's Lessons for Bombshells by Lisa Cach

her eyes,and then a twinge of pain crossed her features, her hand pressing against her hip. Sophia smiled, her lips trembling. She looked fragile and alone. Feeling a surge of pity, Grace leaned forward and stretched out her hand. “You have a deal.”
    Sophia’s brows rose in surprise, and she took Grace’s hand. “There’s one more condition, though: you must keep this a secret from everyone. Everyone . If you tell a soul before the summer’s over, then no twenty thousand.”
    “Is there a reason?”
    “Call it a whim on my part.”
    Grace shrugged. She’d be too embarrassed to admit to this deal, anyhow. Good God, if her mother or Professor Joansdatter ever heard about it— She broke out in a sweat at the thought. “Mum’s the word.”

CHAPTER
    6
    Research Notes
     
June 14
Subject, Sophia Fenwick, is an eighty-five-year-old single (widowed, married unknown number of times) Caucasian female. Formerly a B actress, with claims to a bit part in South Pacific (subject insists she was up for Mitzi Gaynor’s role), she now resides in a mansion in Pebble Beach, California, and appears to be extremely wealthy. The source of her money is presumably from former husband(s). No children. Lives alone with staff members. Has a bad hip, but otherwise seems healthy, and has maintained an attractive appearance. Plastic surgery the most likely explanation for present eerie beauty .
Sophia exhibits signs of inconsistent thinking. S. believes that sex appeal in the human female is determined by the female’s core beliefs about her sexiness, not by her physical appearance. While this theory holds a certain feminist appeal, vis-à-vis inner confidence determining one’s attractiveness, it is nonetheless in direct contradiction to S.’s own habits of dress and grooming (and plastic surgery?), and her frequent vitriolic judgments upon the physical appearance of other females. These judgments may be a defensive gesture. S. appears highly competitive and status conscious, and may be threatened by the presence of Author (me), who is young and may represent a past that S. cannot regain .
Sophia is employing classic abusive manipulation techniques in an attempt to break Author down in order to rebuild Author in her own image, akin to a boot camp drill sergeant training “maggots” to be soldiers. S.’s abuses include telling Author that vegetarians are a pain in the ass, that feminists hate being women, that capri pants should never be worn by anyone more than one hundred pounds; and that Author’s (admittedly well-worn) undergarments are a particularly unsavory form of birth control, a sin against femininity, would frighten bears, and should be staked, burned, and buried, preferably in an unmarked grave .
Sophia also directed her minion Darlene to steal and destroy orthopedic sandals prescribed by Author’s podiatrist. S. refused to compensate Author for cost of sandals, and is clearly unrepentant; S. seems unable to see her actions as excessively controlling. Sociopathic tendencies suspected .
     
June 15
Lessons today consisted of screenings of several film noirs with femmes fatales: The Maltese Falcon; The Big Sleep; Gilda; and Niagara. Author was asked to meditate upon what made each femme fatale sexy. Author responded that the f.f.s seemed mentally unstable and emotionally immature, and that men who liked that type of woman deserved what they got .
Author notes consumption of Scotch by Sophia in response to frustration with Author. Author’s suggestion of yoga as a stress-reduction alternative was met with unwarranted outpouring of inappropriate language .
     
June 16
Day was devoted to Sophia’s extensive collection of art history books and discussion of beauty, charisma, and sex appeal of various naked subjects of varying weight, coloring, and facial features. S. contends that the artist painting each woman saw beauty where others might see none, and by virtue of putting the woman in a painting, both convinced her she