Free Geek Tragedy by Nev Fountain

bar.’
    ‘Huh. Didn’t ask if I wanted anything. As usual. When you’re in there you might as well be on another planet for all the notice gets taken of you.’
    ‘Smurf…what were you doing in there?’
    ‘I’m getting my photo taken.’
    ‘In there?’
    ‘The fans like it like that. We sell loads.’
    Mervyn looked at the pile of photos on the table, all featuring grinning fans standing by the Styrax. ‘Wouldn’t they prefer it, if you know, they could see you?’
    ‘How would I do that, then?’
    ‘You could stand outside of it…’
    ‘I can’t do that. It’s my costume. Why would they want me out of costume?’
    Something had definitely got shaken loose in his head when he hit the floor. He tried to digest the logic of it, but his brain spat it out.
    ‘But…if you’re in there, in the Styrax. Well, they can’t, you know, see you in the photos. What’s the point?’
    ‘What do you mean, “What’s the point”?’ You think a photo taken with one of the stars of the show in his costume is pointless?’ Smurf was getting indignant.
    ‘No. Yes. I mean no. Of course it’s not. I mean, look. How can they even prove to anyone looking at the photo that you were actually inside it?’
    ‘Oh, they can.’
    ‘They can?’
    ‘Oh yes. They get their photos stamped.’ Smurf picked a rubber stamp up off a trestle table, slammed it down on one of the spare photos, and handed the shot to Mervyn. It read: This photograph depicts me with a Styrax Sentinel from Vixens from the Void . The Styrax is being manned by original operator William ‘Smurf’ Smurfett . ‘It’s a nice little convention sideline, this is.’ Smurf started dusting himself down with a clothes brush.
    ‘I suppose you heard about what happened on stage this morning?’
    Smurf gave a throaty chuckle that sounded as though it belonged in a much larger person. ‘Oh yes, I heard about it. I would have given real money to see Simon’s face. Andrew Jamieson said it was the best panel he’s ever seen at a con.’
    ‘Did he really.’
    ‘I think there’ll be quite a few people queuing up to buy you a drink at the bar tonight. The little snit makes me want to vomit, always preening and showing off his stuff. Couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy.’
    ‘Well, at least he’s got one left,’ said Mervyn, indicating the Styrax Smurf had just climbed out of.
    ‘Oh, no he hasn’t. This one’s mine. And if he comes sniffing around it he’s going to be sorry. I don’t care how much he offers—he can whistle for it.’
    He patted it proudly. ‘Picked it up in a car boot sale in ‘98. Even if it’s seen better days and it’s a bit flaky round the edges, I still don’t mind climbing inside it for a few hours.’
    Mervyn smiled. ‘A lot of people would say that about Vanity Mycroft…’
    Smurf’s face froze. ‘What?’
    ‘Joke. Seen better days? Flaky around the edges? Sorry, bit naughty that—’
    ‘I don’t appreciate cracks like that—from you of all people!’
    ‘Sorry?’
    ‘I had nothing do with her. All right? Nothing! And I’ll thank you to keep your witty bloody comments to yourself!’
    ‘I’m sorry. I don’t understand…’
    ‘Just don’t mention that woman’s name all right? Just don’t mention it! She’s a lying cow and don’t let her convince you any different!’
    Mervyn looked at him, dumbstruck.

CHAPTER TEN
    ‘Sorry Mervyn. I thought you’d heard about it. Everyone else has.’
    Smurf and Mervyn emerged from the hotel into the car park, where the smokers skulked. It was much brighter than the gloom of the hotel and they blinked like startled librarians. Nicholas was already there, dragging greedily on his cigarette.
    ‘So what does she say about you?’ Mervyn asked.
    ‘I’d rather not repeat the old witch’s libel, if you don’t mind. I’m putting everything in the hands of my lawyers.’
    Nicholas’s mouth twitched. ‘I expect you can go through the small claims court.’
    ‘It ain’t