Free Hold On - Part Three (The Hold On Series Book 3) by Tabitha Levin Page A

shoulders tense, his whole body on edge. I know he’s unsure of what I’m going to ask, or maybe he does know but doesn’t want to tell me the answers. Enough is enough.
    “I have so many questions,” I say softly. I don’t move. Not yet.
    “I know,” he says. “I can’t answer them all.”
    “You have to.” I leave the water and walk over to stand in front of him. “If we have anything at all, you have to answer me, Ethan. I need you to tell me.”
    “Sarah, it’s not that I don’t want to.” He reaches for my hand and lifts it up to place it palm down on his chest, with his own covering it. His hand is much bigger than mine and I feel small compared to him.
    His heart is beating at a rapid pace. Each pulse against my fingertips tells me that this isn’t easy for him. I wonder if my heart is beating just as fast. I want to reach up to my own chest. But I don’t.
    “The fewer people that know what I’m going to do next, the better it will turn out. I’m trying to keep everyone safe here. I’m trying to keep you safe.”
    I shake my head slowly. “No.”
    “No?” He searches my face and then darts his gaze behind me and out to the darkened sea as if that will bring the answers to him.
    I sigh. “Sit down with me, Ethan.”
    I lead him further up the shore to where it’s dry. As I sit down on the ground, I scrunch my feet in the sand, feeling the small soft grits squish between my toes. When he sits down next to me, I pull my knees up to my chest in a protective gesture.
    He reaches over for my hand and brings my fingers up to his mouth where he places soft kisses on the back of my knuckles.
    “I know what you want,” he says. “You want me gone. You want me to take this sorry mess away from your doorstep.” His jaw stiffens, but he doesn’t stop kissing my fingers. “I understand.”
    “You don’t know anything.” I twist around to face him. “I don’t want you gone, I want answers.”
    His grip on my hand tenses and he pulls his mouth away from my fingers. “What do you want to know?”
    “So many things. Let’s start with Lili.”
    He drops my hand and I can see his own form into a tight fist. “What about her?”
    “What is the history you have with her? I can see there’s something there, what is it? Why are you protecting her? You could just tell her to leave, but you don’t. Why is it so hard?”
    He waves his hand in the air and almost laughs. “I’m not protecting her. I want her gone as much as you do. It’s not that easy. Believe me, I’m working on it.”
    He’s being coy again and it bites deeply into me. “Why isn’t it easy? Have you slept with her? Is that what is between you?”
    His eyes lock onto mine. “I told you I haven’t.”
    “Did you lie to me?” I dig my heels into the ground making deep grooves in the sand.
    “No!” he growls. “I told you that I didn’t. You need to trust me.” He’s annoyed that I don’t believe him.
    “I trust you, Ethan.” I do. Even after everything that has happened so far, I have to hold on to that.
    He sighs, defeated. “We came close once, but it didn’t happen.”
    His confession rocks me. “You came close?” The words squeak out of my mouth. I don’t know what he means.
    Ethan growls. “Jesus, Sarah, it didn’t mean anything, it was a long time ago.”
    I swallow away the hurt that is rising from the pit of my stomach. “What happened?”
    He groans and pushes his hand through his hair. “It’s fucking nothing, okay? It happened when I was so young. Shit, she was even younger. I’d only just joined the motorcycle club and we had a big party. Lots of alcohol, lots of people. It was crazy. People were fucking everywhere, out in full view, on tables.”
    My eyes are wide as he continues his story.
    “She was in my room when I staggered back. I was too drunk to reject her at first, we kissed a bit. Fuck, she was young and she was the boss’s daughter. No way was I going there, even when I couldn’t