Free Devoured by Amanda Marrone Page A

to grips with the fact that she shut down and left me after the accident, and that she’s not the only one who misses Dad and Remy.
    “Okay,” I say finally. I let out a long sigh and brace myself for Nicki’s reaction. “I asked my mother what she thought about taking my dad off the machines.” I pause, hating what comes next. “And she thought I needed to talk to Dr. Macardo about why I wanted to murder my own father.”
    Nicki gasps, and I’m glad I left out the part about Remy. “Would-be killer” sounds so much better than “crazy psychopath who also sees ghosts.”
    “Yeah, I know. I’m a monster—Charles Manson Jr.”
    “God, Megan. No.” I turn to her and she opens her arms and I let her hug me. “I’ve … I’ve thought about that too, you know—the machines. Especially after the last time I went with you to the nursing home. I just didn’t want to say anything because we’ve never really talked about that , and I didn’t know how you felt.”
    I still don’t know exactly how I feel about it. After being with Luke I was so sure it was the right thing to do for Dad and Remy. But after seeing the horror on Mom’s face, I started second-guessing myself. Is it really murder?
    But it seemed like Dr. Macardo totally understood. I did my homework and I know the statistics. The chance of recovery after six months in a vegetative state is slim to none. The rare instances get a lot of press, but with six months being the standard cutoff, where does that leave Dad after ten years?
    Maybe getting my head shrunk today wasn’t such a bad idea after all. If anything, Dr. Marcado’s not judging me harshly made me feel slightly less monsterish.
    Nicki holds me tight and the tears come again. “He’s never getting better—the doctors keep telling her that. All of the tests prove there’s no brain activity, but his eyes fluttered open that one time right after the crash, and she thinks he could wake up still.”
    I pull away and look out at the office sign. “And maybe she’s right, it happens, but when I saw my dad yesterday, I just knew he’s not there anymore. I just knew he’s not going to wake up, and now she hates me more than ever.”
    “Hey,” Nicki says. “Your mom doesn’t hate you—”
    “Oh, yes, she does! Maybe she didn’t hate me before, maybe it was more indifference, but you should see the way she looks at me now. She hates me.”
    “She’s scared. It’s a huge, hard decision to make, and—”
    “And she said she’s not gonna do it. Ever. He’s going to keep hanging on, wasting away more and more.” Leaving Remy alone.
    “Give her some time to think about it—cool off. It’s not like it’s an easy decision to make.”
    “So what does that say about me?”
    She squeezes my hand. “That you know this isn’t what your dad would’ve wanted. Would you want to live like that?”
    I shake my head.
    “Look, why don’t you spend the night at my house tonight? That’ll give both of you a break.”
    I sniff and look away from her. “Um, actually, Ari called and asked if I wanted to hang out.”
    Nicki starts the car. “Oh, why didn’t you have Ari pick you up then?”
    “Because you already said you would!”
    “I thought you might need someone to talk to, but you and Ari can have a nice chat about all of this.” Nicki puts the car in reverse, and then pulls out of the parking space a little too fast.
    “Nicki, it’s not like that, and I don’t want to talk to Ari about this stuff. She just sounded lonely. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. And when I told her you were picking me up, she said she’d love for you to come too. I only said yes because I thought you’d be with me.”
    Nicki gives me an incredulous look. “I don’t for one second believe Ari wants me to come over. You should’ve seen her staring daggers at me at the tryouts when the new director clapped after my audition.”
    “Seriously, she told me to ask you over. I was talking to her when