Free Durarara!!, Vol. 4 (novel) by Ryohgo Narita Page A

That looks bad. Should I mobilize the Dollars…? I guess there’s no way to do that,” Mikado murmured, the very personification of the word
naive
. Back on the TV, they had returned to the news studio. He was worried for the sake of the inhuman dullahan that would normally have no connection to him whatsoever, but she was a member of the Dollars, after all.
    “Well, I guess Celty can handle things for herself. Right?” he said and headed for the familiar chat room.
    All the while, he was secretly harboring both excitement and anxiety over the Ikebukuro guided tour he would be leading the following evening.

 
    Chat room
    TarouTanaka has entered the chat.
    TarouTanaka: Oh, no one’s here.
    TarouTanaka: I suppose I’ll check back in a few hours.
    TarouTanaka has left the chat.
    The chat room is currently empty.
    Bacura has entered the chat.
    Bacura: Hmm?
    Bacura: So nobody’s here?
    Bacura: Okay,
    Bacura: Now I can write anything I damn well please on this unclaimed ground.
    Bacura: Listen up, Johnny.
    Bacura: When I was in elementary school,
    Bacura: A girl in my class played my recorder.
    Bacura: When I caught her in the act,
    Bacura: In exchange for keeping her secret, I said,
    Bacura: “What you really want to put your mouth on is my face.”
    Bacura: So rather than my recorder, she locked lips with my whistle instead.
    Bacura: And when another boy saw it happen, he stuck his fingers in his mouth and tweeted away.
    Bacura: HA-HA-HA
    Bacura: It’s both a true anecdote and an American-style joke!
    Bacura: Cool,
    Bacura: Now I just spam the chat to wash that backlog away.
    Bacura: Sound off!
    Saika has entered the chat.
    Bacura: 1
    Saika: good evening
    Bacura: 2
    Bacura: Eek!
    Bacura: Evening.
    TarouTanaka has entered the chat.
    TarouTanaka: Good evening.
    TarouTanaka: What are you doing, Bacura?
    Bacura: Good…eve…
    Bacura: C’mon, laugh.
    Bacura: Everybody laugh at meeee!
    TarouTanaka: Aha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
    Bacura: You’re really laughing?!
    Kuru has entered the chat.
    Mai has entered the chat.
    Kuru: I do not approve of the act of mocking a person upon your first meeting, but as you have requested it yourself, and I believe that the proper act as a human being in this case is to laugh at you long and loud, I am prepared to mock you as mercilessly and thoroughly as I can manage. And now…
    Mai: (lol)
    Kuru: Kya-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Ah-haaa.Aha, ah-ha-ha! Fweh…fweh-heh… Kya-haaa! Kya-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Aaaa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Ah-ha-ha, ah-ha-ha! Wai…sto…stop! It’s too funny! It’s really funny…stop…no, please, let me goooo! Hee…hee…aha…kya-hee… Kya-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
    Mai: (lol)
    Bacura: Evening…
    Bacura: Wait,
    Bacura: Who are you?!
    Bacura: Wow, you sure found a way to laugh that causes both despair and rage!
    TarouTanaka: Good evening.
    TarouTanaka: Is this our first meeting?
    Saika: good evening
    Kuru: Please forgive me. This is the first time that I have met everyone here. We will be visiting this chat room occasionally from this point onward and have come to pay our respects. My name is Kuru. Normally, I would have introduced myself as the first point of order, but I believed that it would have been rude to Bacura to put my introduction before the mockery of his very impassioned joke.
    Mai: I’m Mai.
    Bacura: You seem a lot like Kanra to me.
    Mai: I’m sorry.
    Bacura: I wasn’t talking about you.
    TarouTanaka: It’s nice to meet the two of you.
    Kuru: The pleasure is all mine. By the way, Bacura, it occurred to me that you might be a woman…and if that were the case, the recorder would have been shared by two girls, leading to a kiss between females, the aesthetically pleasing and tantalizing image of which is now saved in my mind. It has put me into a state of, shall we say, trancelike ecstasy.
    Mai: Naughty.
    Bacura: I’ll leave it up to your imagination.
    TarouTanaka: Great, more weirdos…
    Saika: