Free Cwtch Me If You Can by Beth Reekles

facing his desk where he’s got a TV and an Xbox.
    I’m going to have to sit on his bed.
    I’m about to sit on Sean’s bed.
    It might be just to watch a movie, and totally innocent, but it doesn’t matter. It’s still weird. Intimate. And it’s not like we’re even really friends, so what does that make us? Are we friends now, and just hanging out? Or is this something… more ?
    God, I wish I knew. Sean moves the file to his desk, and loads a DVD into his Xbox. And the longer I stand in his room, with the door shut behind me, the more I start to think this is a terrible idea. If I stay here, sitting on his bed, next to him, I’m going to kiss him.
    Hell, he’s a good-looking guy. I’m only human.
    I can’t do this.
    I can’t get my heart broken again.
    Sean must see something in my face that gives me away. ‘Is everything okay, Alex?’
    Much as I want to say yes, I shake my head. ‘I’m sorry. I – I should go. I really can’t do this. I’m sorry.’
    â€˜What? What’s wrong? Did – did I do something?’
    â€˜No! No, it’s not…’ It’s not you, it’s me . I can’t say that. ‘I’m sorry if I’ve been leading you on, Sean, I really am, but this is… It’s too much.’
    He edges closer, by just a step. I bite my lip again. I have the opportunity to hang out (and probably snog) the perfect guy, and I’m backing out. I am definitely crazy.
    And maybe just a little bit sensible.
    â€˜Alex, hey,’ he says softly, ‘talk to me. You know you can talk to me.’
    â€˜That’s the thing – I don’t know. I hardly know you, Sean. You helped me out of a tight spot and then we bumped into each other a few times. And we might’ve talked a lot at McDonalds, but it’s…’
    I trail off, feeling stupid and pathetic.
    I keep thinking of all the lists I made – about why I should stop dating, and why dating Sean would be a bad idea, but now all the points on those lists blur together in my mind until I can’t remember what they said.
    Sean’s eyebrows knit together behind his glasses. ‘Alex. Come on.’
    The look he gives me is one that says, Tell me the truth, and stop bullshitting around.
    So I do.
    â€˜I’m jinxed,’ I blurt.
    â€˜Jinxed? What, like, bad luck?’ I can see him fighting back a smirk, but try not to let it annoy me.
    â€˜My love life, I mean. Every guy I’ve ever been out with has broken my heart and you can’t tell me that this won’t go the same way. I mean, have you met you? You’re perfect. You were my knight in shining armour right from the start.’
    He blushes, ducking his head to look at his feet. But he’s smiling.
    â€˜And let’s face it, Sean, any relationship we have is over before it starts. It’s not like either of us has the time, and then you’ll move back to Swansea. And then you’ll be getting on with your teaching stuff and move somewhere else for a job, and…’ I sigh. ‘I’m sorry, but I can’t be just friends with you.’
    Time seems to slow to almost a total stop. Sean drags his gaze up to meet mine sooooo slowly, and it feels like he sets all my nerves on fire. I’m burning up from the inside just from that one look.
    Sean straightens up, and leans closer. It’s only a slight movement, but makes him tower over me. I forget how to breathe. I hope he doesn’t kiss me. I feel so alive, so electric, that I’m sure I’ll shatter into a million pieces if he kisses me. I won’t be able to handle more than this.
    I’ve been in love plenty of times before, but not one of those guys could make me feel like this with just a look.
    The gold flecks in Sean’s eyes seem brighter, more noticeable, and they make it look like his eyes are full of flames. I’m tempted to let my gaze drop down his