Free The Anxiety of Kalix the Werewolf by Martin Millar

already,” said Distikka.
    â€œSo?” said Empress Kabachetka. “There is no rule that says an Empress cannot ask an adviser for an opinion more than once.”
    â€œUnfortunately for me.”
    The Empress laughed. “Distikka, you are amusing. Once your insolence would have upset me. Not any more. Have you noticed how I have rapidly matured since becoming Empress?”
    Distikka declined to reply. The Empress checked her lips in a small mirror she carried in her handbag. The bag, a recent acquisition from Paris, had been sorcerously treated by the Empress to enable it to withstand the fiery temperatures of her realm.
    â€œThis lip coloring is not entirely satisfactory. Should I let Sarapen go and fight in the desert?”
    â€œWhat you’re really asking me,” replied Distikka, “is do I know any way of making Sarapen fall in love with you?”
    â€œThat is not what I’m asking at all!” declared the Empress. She frowned and glanced in the mirror again. “But if I was asking you that, what would you reply?”
    â€œI’d say that I have little insight into affairs of the heart,” said Distikka. “Never having participated in them myself.”
    The Empress was dissatisfied. “You must have some experience, Distikka. Did you not seduce General Agrippa, and cause him to rebel against Queen Malveria?”
    â€œI suppose I did. But the General was so blinded by ambition it wasn’t hard to make him rebel. I don’t think I really made him fall love with me.”
    â€œFortunately for the General,” said Kabachetka, “as you abandoned him at the scene of the crime, so to speak, leaving him to have his headchopped off by Queen Malveria. Which was the correct course of action by you, in the circumstances. But why will Sarapen not fall in love with me?”
    Distikka looked blank.
    â€œStop looking blank,” demanded Empress Kabachetka. “I don’t like it. You must have some insights. Consider the facts. All independent witnesses agree that I am a remarkable beauty. My blonde hair alone is the wonder of the nation. I am also an empress. That has to count for something. Furthermore, I saved his life. One would think that was enough.”
    Distikka smiled, which she rarely did. “Presumably love does not run along logical lines, Empress. Which you already know. I really am at a loss what to suggest. Perhaps Sarapen, if facing hardship in the desert, might decide you were a better option?”
    The Empress frowned, not liking to hear herself described as merely a better option.
    â€œI will muse on it longer. But I’m not satisfied with your advice, Distikka. And on the subject of your unsatisfactory advice, nothing seems to be happening concerning werewolves.”
    â€œThe Avenaris Guild is growing stronger. They have more money and more power.”
    â€œThat is no use if they never encounter any werewolves. Are Thrix MacRinnalch and her annoying sister Kalix never to be punished?” The Empress’s temper flared. “I had a hunter from the Guild on the very point of killing the Enchantress when Kalix intervened! And Kalix is still unpunished for attempting to murder Sarapen! And the Enchantress is still providing fashionable garments for Malveria! It is all most frustrating, Distikka. Something must be done.”
    They paused to admire a huge spout of flame that shot up from the gorge below.
    â€œSomething is being done,” replied Distikka calmly. “Soon we won’t have to worry about the werewolves avoiding the Avenaris Guild. They’ll be rushing to confront them. And then they’ll be killed.”
    â€œI hope so,” said the Empress. “Your plan is no doubt very complicated and I’m suspicious of complicated plans. I will let it proceed and see what happens. But if we meet with another failure, I may forget my newfound maturity and introduce you to some of my own