Free Last Orders by Graham Swift

bed. But that’s no problem, Vincey says, he’ll see if he can’t kip down in Ray’s camper. It’s only for one night and he’s used to living in a bivvy, even if it is the middle of November. And he’ll be nearer to his precious cars. But one night turns into the best part of a week, she’s begging them not to let on about her and they haven’t got the heart to turf her out, and I reckon it was only when they were getting used to her being a sort of permanent lodger that Jack got it into his head that he could use her somehow as a bribe for Vince. Though why he should’ve thought that, I don’t know. Like he was expecting Vince to say, ‘Thanks, Jack, now I’ll start coming to Smithfield again. Seems like a good spot.’ As if Vince couldn’t make his own moves and that wasn’t just what he was doing. As if Mandy was Jack’s to dispose of anyway. Fact is that there’s Miss Lancashire Hotpot using Vince’s room, and there’s Vince using Ray’s camper, and sooner or later she goes down to the yard to thank him for his trouble and see what he gets up to all day long. And there’s the two of them and there’s the camper and Vincey’s got the key. So blow you, Jack.
    Joke of it all is that Mandy didn’t know how lucky she was, or else she was cleverer than anyone thought, an eye for the long shot. Because, though no one knew it, Vincey was already on his way to being Dodds Motors and later Dodds Auto Showroom. Garage, I call it. And though it always seemed to me a touch-and-go operation and not what you’d hold up as a shining example of a fine career for a man, it worked for him, it’s brought in more dosh thanDodds and Son ever did.
Look at that suit.
It’s kept her in frocks and hairdos and holidays in the sun. Sometimes I wish my Sally had got back together again with Big Boy, sod him, I do. Because she couldn’t have done much worse than what she did, and I remember them trips to Margate Joan and I never went on, I do.
    He says, ‘How’s Sally?’
    I say, ‘Wouldn’t you like to know.’
    He says, ‘I would like to know, Lenny. Have another one.’ Face don’t crack.
    I say, ‘She got married, didn’t she?’
    I think, The pillock’s got a nerve, I’ll give him that, the tosser’s got a way about him. It takes the Army. He aint got such an ugly mug on him either, more’s the pity, he’s filled out fine. I can see why they’d let him walk all over them, what with the little-orphan act as a standby. I suppose he’ll’ve had a few in the last five years, camp trollops, bints. And why should he be sitting there, standing drinks, like he’s the conquering hero, when all he’s done is have the honour of being one of the last troops to clear out of Aden, and learnt how to use a spanner and a grease gun? It was different for Jack, Ray and me. Bleeding desert.
    I say, She got married, didn’t she? But I don’t say she’s not living with her husband, seeing as her husband’s living in Pentonville Prison. Because he’ll’ve heard that anyway. Four counts of larceny and one of assault. What the country needs is to bring back military service, eh Vincey?
    And I don’t say how she’s making ends meet. Odd jobs for cash. Taking in lodgers. It’s do as you like now. Ask Raysy.
    I don’t say she aint got no kids. Still, that’s one less load on her mind, aint it?
    He says, ‘I heard. I heard she got married.’ Not a flicker. ‘So how’s the fruit-and-veg trade, Lenny?’

VINCE
    But a good motor aint just a good motor.
    A good motor is a comfort and companion and an asset to a man, as well as getting him from A to B. I can’t speak for women. Mandy drives like it’s nothing special, like a car is a handbag. But a good motor deserves respect, treat it right and it treats you right. And if needs be you can take it apart and see how it works. It aint no mystery.
    People curse ’em. They say, curse of our time. But I say, aint it amazing? Aint it amazing there’s this thing that