Free Count It All Joy by Ashea S. Goldson Page A

the train. This was our first real outing alone since I’d been married to her father, so I needed it to be special. Lilah talked the entire time about how she had seen ice skaters on Sesame Street and how she knew she would have so much fun on the ice. I hoped so because I wanted more than anything to really connect with her. Since Lilah had been so used to getting pretty much everything she wanted from her grandmother, this was not necessarily an easy task.
    Finally, we arrived at the ice rink at Rockefeller Center in Midtown Manhattan. It was just as beautiful in person as it had been on television. There was a huge Christmas tree decorated with glamorous lights and the famous Prometheus statue in all its bronze glory. Lilah’s eyes were big with anticipation, which made me smile on the inside and out. We rented skates and were told before starting that we should walk on the rubber matting, keeping our skate guards on. It sounded like good advice.
    Since I had never been ice skating before, this was a challenge for both of us. I had wanted to go ice skating with Joshua once, but he showed no interest in it at all, so here I was with the four-year-old making it happen despite myself. I used my knowledge of roller skating to help me navigate this new world. First, we walked around the edge while holding the wall, trying to get a feel for the ice. Please, Lord, don’t let me fall. Eventually, I began to bend my knees and lean forward as I watched the techniques of the skaters who glided around the rink. Before long, Lilah and I were moving, falling, and then moving again. Getting up wasn’t easy because the ice was so slippery, but one young man stopped to help and give us advice.
    â€œGet on your hands and knees and put one foot between your hands,” he said.
    â€œOkay,” I replied, happy that I hadn’t split my pants.
    â€œWhen you want to stop, place one skate behind you with the toe facing away from you. Then drag it behind you until you stop.” He smiled. “Oh, and another thing, take longer strokes.”
    â€œThanks.” I looked up at him. “You sure are a lifesaver.”
    â€œWell, I wouldn’t say that. Take care now,” he said as he disappeared into the lively crowd of skaters.
    â€œYou too,” I replied.
    I was so grateful for this information. Thankfully, there were still nice people left in the world, I thought as I watched everyone else circling around us without even a glance. Lilah and I laughed and took off again.
    This time we tried to take longer strokes, whatever that meant.
    I wouldn’t exactly call it skating, and I wouldn’t necessarily call it fun, except that we were together, an unlikely stepmother and stepdaughter forged together by unfortunate circumstances. Lilah did seem to enjoy herself though, and begged to come back again when we were leaving. I promised her that we would.
    Afterward, I took her to eat at Angelos between Fifty-third and Fifty-fourth Streets. I remembered that they were nearby and had some of the best pizza that I’d ever tasted. Needless to say, Lilah and I left tired but happy. I hoped I was successfully building a real relationship with the little girl who refused to call me “Mommy.”

Chapter Nine
    Alex
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    It was an average winter day for New York City. Now that Christmas vacation was over and we had welcomed the new year, I was glad to finally return to work. It gave me something to focus on besides my fertility issues. There was the usual office banter between coworkers and administration on how the holidays were and who received what for Christmas. The holidays had become so commercialized that I could hardly stand it sometimes. There were new students starting new classes, and lots of exciting new plans to look forward to, plans that could preoccupy me for a few hours per day. Missionary had been given a generous donation in order to expand its library. I was excited that a whole