Free The Tome of Bill (Book 6): Half A Prayer by Rick Gualtieri

viruses, but that’s beside the point. I don’t pretend to know how James thinks, but I can probably surmise the rest. Bottom line is nobody knows what the hell you are. You might be just another human waiting to be squashed like a bug...”
    “Thanks.”
    “Don’t mention it. Or you could be useful. If you do have some vampire still in you, it would be utterly unprecedented.”
    “You’d be a daywalker,” I said, grinning.
    “Yep...”
    “Or a gaywalker.”
    “Fuck you,” he growled.
    “See what I mean?”
    Sally sighed. If she still had a desk, I had little doubt her fingers would be digging furrows into it at my asinine comment. She was so cute when she was annoyed beyond...
    Purity is key for the First. He shall be your downfall.
    Ed jumped at the outburst from Harry Decker’s skull, now sitting on a bookshelf off to the side.
    “Oh, hush up.” Sally stood up and started looking for something amidst the clutter.
    “Still holding on to that thing?” Ed asked.
    “Of course.”
    “Well, I think the batteries must be going,” I commented. “That made no fucking sense to me. Anyone have a clue?”
    Harry Decker had been a wizard with a hard-on for killing me. Unfortunately for him, his obsession had ended badly. Sally had retrieved his skull as a gruesome souvenir, unaware that it still had some residual magic left in it. Every so often, it blurted out some prophetic bit of gloom and doom for us. More often than not, it would come to pass, but lately it had apparently been getting desperate. Its last warning - something about us being washed away in a sea of our own sins - had foretold nothing worse than the second floor toilet overflowing. Even in death, Decker was still a dick.
    “Maybe we’re out of hand sanitizer.” Sally found a towel and tossed it over Decker’s skull like it was some kind of fucking parakeet, then turned back to us. “Getting back to the point at hand, any way you look at things, it costs James nothing to take a few minor precautions to keep you alive until such time as we can figure out what role, if any, you play in this mess. Also...”
    “Yeah?” I asked, when she didn’t continue.
    She leaned forward. “You don’t repeat this or I make matching earrings from your scrotums. Got it?”
    We both nodded.
    “I think it might be James’s way of thanking us for saving him.”
    “Then why didn’t he just...”
    “He can’t. Technically, he should have died at Vehron’s hands. We stepped in and stopped that, but knowing the Draculas’ fucked up logic, he still had to publicly shit on our actions - like we soiled his honor or something. This way, he kills multiple birds with one stone - he saves face and helps us.”
    “He could have just said that,” Ed complained. “Instead, he sent a trio of goons to stuff me into a box the second I stepped out of the apartment.”
    “Appearances are everything to the Dracs,” I offered by way of explanation.
    “Yeah, well, appearances are pretty big for me too...especially since I look like I just lost ten rounds in Fight Club .”
    “Aw, I think it looks kind of cute,” Sally said flirtatiously. “Gives you some character.”
    “Really?”
    “Yes, really,” she replied, almost causing me to gag on my own bile. “Don’t get your hopes up, though, big boy. All things considered, I don’t foresee us swapping bodily fluids anytime soon.”
    Ed looked crestfallen for a moment, but then, much to my horror, he replied, “Never discount the magic of prophylactics.”
    Oh, Jesus Christ, they were not doing this with me in the room!
    “Sorry, stud,” she said, “but I’ve always been a bareback kinda girl.”
    “Okay, can we get back to non-disturbing topics, like vampires wanting to crush my roommate’s skull in?” I fixed both of them with a glare of death. Goddamn, I really didn’t need to be the meat in this sandwich - a continual reminder of my own lack of immediate prospects. “Speaking of roommates, is Tom