Free Till We Rise by Camila Cher Harmath Page A

uncertainty.
    "Thanks" I let him know, crooking my smile. He is looking back at me expressing tenderness, making me feel cherished.
    I start the engine and make my way to college. It's not supposed to be this way, I am not the one who has to take care of anyone, I need someone to take care of me and l know he is the one whose support I want to provide myself with at the moment. Anyway, I know it's not the time yet.
    Probably we are not ready.
    Maybe I am not ready.
    Perhaps I am over thinking.
    I don’t know what I am doing.
    I keep doing it anyway.
    I might be in love.
    Who cares? It’s already done.

 
     
     
     
    CHAPTER NINE
    Theodore has already gotten into campus and I am now about to arrive home. I knew that I did not have to think about what it was likely to happen with him, I mean, I guess that he likes me but that is not the reason why I should have believed that he was going to kiss me right away.
    I felt that in the moment he said “good-bye, Calypso” and “thanks for the ride” he was literally going to kiss me, and I was right; he did kiss me, but in my forehead. It was pretty nice, to be honest, but I expected a lot more, not from him, but from me. I expected maybe that my inner woman would be able to face her issues and insecurities and passionately kiss the man I believe to be in love with, before leaving myself alone as a cow in the car.
    I feel that I have two persons inside my body (or my head, I don’t know); one is for words –who is genuinely stupid, because stupid things always come out of my mouth– and the other one is for actions –and that side of me is stupid too. I define my “persons” as different types of stupidity, one of them is always more stupid than the other one. When I speak, this thing makes me say something stupid and when I act –or I don’t– I act even more stupid because obviously someone inside me makes me act in this way.
    In conclusion, I don’t have anything in my body, it is just me pretending that I am not stupid by blaming some weird entity I guess I have inside me and the only thing I can assure is that I am the only one who is certainly stupid.
    Lots of stupidity in one thought.
    I hate my stupid self.
    I do not know why I didn’t kiss Theodore. God.
    We did not kiss because, of course, this stuff is not destined to ever happen to Calypso Von Steemberg, I am not that type of a lucky person. You ought to know that, because I do.
    I do not want to stay inside my car wondering what the hell to do with my life, I need more adventure because surely I have lots of drama, I am kind of a drama queen; I can turn a lovely situation into a dramatic one just with my thoughts. That’s how I work; If something is going okay, I will freak out and make it bad, really bad.
    Now I think is time to review what had happened ten minutes ago with my lovely friend, boy, something, partner, hottie, whatever the hell our “relationship” –if we have one– is assumed to be.
    We were not speaking at all, all I could hear was his stirred breathing. He seemed completely tensed with no apparent reason; his hands were closed as fists. Maybe he was afraid of my driving. Well, Theodore, next time I think you should take a bus if that is the reason why you were acting so strange and making myself feel like I have done something extremely out of place, because I don’t get it, truly. And I am not that kind of person that somebody can mess up with, because whatever you do, I will take it a hundred percent personally, even if it is not about me at all.
    The first time he spoke was when he gave me the directions to get to campus, I knew how to get there but anyway, I shut myself up and listened carefully to his say.
    “Turn left onto Cummington Street,” his voice spoke softly and a little bit trembling.
    I was conscious about what I had to do, I kind of drive to this fucking university every single day of the week, but I am glad he decided to speak to me after a while.
    I have a