Free Heartless (Keeping Secrets) by J. Roman Page B

“You promised me that you wouldn’t see anyone else.” It was like it didn’t even occur to him that I’d cheat on him. But I had cheated on him already, hadn’t I? Did it count if you didn’t want it to happen? “We can do this.”
    “Can we?” I asked. “Because I don’t think you can handle this.” I meant so much more than I projected. “This” encompassed a lot more than just my attitude and my messed-up morality compass.
    “Jason, I can handle whatever you have going on. You’ve just got to let me in.” The anger seemed to drain out of him as I watched, leaving him tired. “I want this to work.” I’d actually made myself believe for a brief moment that I could have something with Tommy. Jonathan had reminded me that I didn’t have a life to give him.
    “My stepdad fucks me.” I don’t know what possessed me to say it. Maybe I wanted to shock him. He nearly hit another car.
    “What?”
    I made sure I was in my insulated bubble of I-Don’t-Give-A-Shit when I spoke next. “Yeah. He’s been doing it since I came out. He figured since I was gay, I’d like it. Sick, huh?”
    “Jason, you were thirteen when you came out.”
    No shit , I thought. “He didn’t care.” I tried really hard to remain as aloof as possible. “That’s why we can’t date. I’m so dirty, Tommy. I am fucking disgusting.” I swallowed. “Don’t even bother giving me the whole ‘it’s not your fault’ speech because I’ve heard it before from Kevin.” I made myself as small as possible in my seat beside him. “So now you know all my dirty little secrets.” At least he wouldn’t go into this with his blinders on. I wouldn’t let him. Now he knew everything. As much as I was relieved to get it all off my chest, I waited for the hammer to fall.
    “It isn’t your fault, baby,” he said at long last. “Kevin’s right.” He swallowed as we pulled onto Biltmore Avenue. “I love you and I’ll find a way to fix this.”
    I was so incredibly tired. “You can’t fix this.” He didn’t bother to argue. There was no point. We pulled in behind Kevin’s car, and he cut the engine.
    “I still love you, Jason.”

Chapter Eight
     
    K EVIN stood on the sidewalk next to the house and took one look at Tommy’s face before he spoke. “He told you.” He looked surprised. His gaze shot to me, taking in my blank expression.
    I shrugged. “He needed to know what he was getting into.” Kevin knew I’d never told anyone else. He knew better than anyone what that meant. It was the equivalent of me getting on my knees and offering Tommy something that didn’t involve my mouth for once.
    “It’s a little early for that,” Kevin said. Logically I knew he was right. We’d only started dating yesterday, but we’d been emotionally involved for longer than that, even if it was from afar. It felt right and I was too reckless and too tired of fighting it to give a damn.
    He looked at Tommy and his face turned to granite. “You hurt him like you did before, and I will bury you.”
    Tommy took my hand and gave it a squeeze. “I won’t.” My heart did that little flutter thing that you always read about in books but never actually experience in real life. Whatever he saw in Tommy’s face must’ve reassured him, because he nodded and headed to the front door. We followed after him.
    He unlocked the door and hit the keypad. I looked over at Tommy, and I felt the place where our bodies were joined. The laced fingers seemed to connect more than tendons, bones, and skin. We were bound together by something so much deeper than that. At least I felt that way.
    We went up to Kevin’s rooms, and I could tell that Tommy was impressed with his setup. He was wide-eyed as he took in the décor and the equipment. Kev’s cell started ringing as he gave Tommy the grand tour. He fished it out of his pocket and looked at the number. Without preamble he flipped open the phone. There was only one person who he answered