Free Darkest Day (StrikeForce #3) by Colleen Vanderlinden Page B

the way I keep a wall between myself and just about everyone else, I sighed. “Today would have been Mama’s birthday,” I said. And then I looked away because I felt like an idiot.
    He reached for my hand. Both of our hands were still clad in our uniform gloves, but I could feel the warmth of his hand anyway when he gently squeezed mine. We didn’t say anything for a bit, and the elevator came to a stop on my floor. He kept his fingers twined with mine as he walked me to my suite.
    “You know you don’t have to go through this alone. And you shouldn't,” he said as we came to a stop in front of my door. “Does Jenson know? You know she’ll be here if you ask.”
    “Jenson and David are going out tonight, remember? And I don’t want to tell her because if I do, she’ll cancel and stay here with me.” He was about to say something, and I shook my head. “I’m kind of hoping they’ll get it together and realize how perfect they are for one another.”
    “So, you’re playing matchmaker?” Ryan asked.
    “I’m trying. They’re not making it easy.”
    He chuckled and shook his head. “I never would have seen you in the matchmaker role before.”
    I smiled behind my mask. “Well, ordinarily I don’t give a shit, but they’d be so cute and dorky together, whispering sweet nothings in Elvish or Klingon and crap like that.”
    He laughed then, and I couldn’t help but laugh, too. “And besides that,” I continued, “Jenson doesn’t really open up to people, and David’s sweet, you know? I think she needs someone sweet. Someone who’ll treat her right, and he will because he’s completely nuts about her. I can’t believe she doesn’t see it,” I said, shaking my head.
    “Yeah,” Ryan said.
    “So, yeah. I’m not going to tell Jenson because then she’ll cancel and I’ll feel like a jerk.”
    He didn’t say anything for a moment, and I put my thumb to the print scanner on my door.
    “You shouldn’t be alone,” he said. “What about Dani?”
    I shook my head. “I’m fine. I’m just going to curl up and watch TV until I pass out. Hopefully I’ll sleep through as much of the rest of the day as possible.” I glanced up at him. “I’m fine,” I repeated.
    “You’re sad,” he said quietly. “And you miss your mom and that’s normal. You don’t have to be fine right now, Jolene.”
    I closed my eyes, then opened them and looked back up at him. “I really don’t have any other alternative. Not while the asshole who ordered her death is still breathing. I’ll see you later,” I said, and then I closed the door behind me.
    I went to my bedroom and pulled off my uniform, slipped into some pajama pants mama had bought me a few years ago that had silly, cartoonish looking smiling suns on them. She’d joked, then, that she was trying to make me into a morning person. I pulled on a tank top and grabbed one of the blankets off of my bed.
    I went back to the living room and settled myself into a corner of the couch. I pulled the blanket up over me. This wasn’t just any blanket. Mama had crocheted it for me when I was fifteen. Aqua and white stripes, because aqua was my favorite color at the time. It was warm and comfortable, and I could still picture Mama sitting in the recliner in our trailer, working on it as she watched TV in the evenings after work.
    I kind of wished I could cry. Maybe that would feel more normal or something, but I just didn’t seem to have it in me to do it. It was more like a numb sadness that just hadn’t gone away since she’d died. No. Since she’d been murdered . Because while her death would have been devastating no matter how it came, the fact that she’d been murdered to get to me made it so I could barely breathe sometimes.
    And this was one of those times. And while I could admit that I kind of wished Jenson was around, part of me was relieved to be alone. I didn’t know if I could stand trying to be human when all I could manage to do was stare