Free Lead the Way by K.L. Prince Page A

and collapsed.  She would hate for that to happen in front of Gabriel. 
    However, maybe things have changed.  Maybe, because of the passage of time, her reaction will be different.  Maybe it won’t be so severe.  Maybe she could handle it.  Maybe having a strong tough man by her side would make a difference.  Like Gabriel said, the only way to find out would be to try. 
    She doesn’t know if she is courageous enough.  She doesn’t know if she has the guts.  She thinks about the alternative.  If she does it, and she’s too scared, she’ll end up back in her apartment, having lost absolute nothing.  She’ll continue on doing exactly what she’s been doing for the past five years.  Absolutely nothing will have changed.  
    If she goes along with Gabriel’s plan, she’ll actually be gaining something really, even if she’s too scared.  She’ll gain the knowledge of knowing what will happen if she steps beyond her front door.  Right now, she doesn’t know what will happen.  Maybe nothing will happen.  Maybe, she’ll be able to walk right outside and walk down the block. 
    The fear of what happened last time, happening again, has paralyzed her into immobility.  She can remember the way the fear made her feel at the time.  It caused her both physical and psychological pain.  Is she willing to feel that again?  Is it worth it?  Is being able to walk outside in the hallway worth giving up her comfort zone? 
    She wonders what her grandmother would say to her.  She’s sure that her grandmother would advise her to do whatever it takes to get well, but at the same time, her grandmother would support her decision.  If her grandmother was alive and was able to see her in the condition that she is in, she knows that her grandmother wouldn’t push her.  She would give her grandmotherly advice and encourage her to get out into the world, but if she didn’t want to, her grandmother would accept it.  Her grandmother was a very kind and compassionate woman.  She accepted people the way that they were.  Her grandmother would never try to change her or try to push her into something that she didn’t want or she wasn’t ready to do. 
    All these thoughts roll around her mind.  She isn’t exactly sure what she wants to do.  She can’t pin down a definite decision yet.  She promised Gabriel that she would think about it and she will.  She will give his plan her utmost attention and when she does come to a decision, it will be after careful thought and consideration.  She’s not going to throw out his idea as quickly as she has done others in the past.     
    The way she feels at the moment, is the most willing she has been to change in a long time.  If Gabriel had asked her a year ago to take a chance and step out of the apartment, she would have dismissed him outright.  She would have said “No” and that would have been the absolute end to the discussion.  You couldn’t have paid her a million dollars to step out of her apartment.  It wasn’t happening.
    She feels like something inside of her has changed.  She’s not sure if it’s Gabriel that has caused this change, or if it’s been something that has been brewing for a while.  She’s just become tired of being sick.  She's become tired of being a prisoner in her own home.  Gabriel has given her a reason and an excuse, if she decides the go through with his plan.  He is also someone she can blame if things blow up in her face.  She would never blame him to his face, but inside her mind, she could always use him as a scapegoat.  It helps to know that she wouldn’t be doing anything completely alone.  She would have someone she could lean on that wasn’t being paid specifically for that purpose.  Gabriel seems pretty sturdy.  She thinks that he could probably hold her up.
    She’s in a place in her life now, where she is willing to, at least, think about the idea of leaving her apartment.  It’s a strange turn of