Free Never Sit Down in a Hoopskirt and Other Things I Learned in Southern Belle Hell by Crickett Rumley

Maids, they are a-changing.”
    Ashley groaned. “Didn’t you hear? Nobody around here likes change, Jane. Nobody. Caroline, tell her.”
    â€œNobody likes change,” Caroline parroted. “But I do think it’s a nice idea.”
    â€œThank you, Caroline.” I smirked at Ashley. She sent Caroline a dark, dark look.
    Brandi Lyn waved. “Excuse me, I’m so sorry, but aren’t we supposed to be thinking about a fund-raiser? This sounds great for a charity event, but I don’t understand how we make money off it?”
    â€œI do.” Everyone’s attention turned to Zara, whose face was actually animated for the first time since we’d met. “I know exactly how to do it. A beach cleanup fund-raiser. We did one at this camp I go to in New England.” Zara explained the concept: your organization chooses a beach to work on, divides it up into increments, say of ten or twenty feet, then solicits contributions for each segment of beach that is cleaned up. Donors pledge anywhere from one cent to a dollar per section. “I’ve done it twice and both times, it’s turned out to be really fun. You’re out in the sun all day, jump in the water whenever you get hot. And we had lots of people, even total strangers, join in and help us. It was cool.”
    I brought my hands together in a prayer position and quasi-bowed to Zara. “Genius, Zara. That’s what I’m talking about. We clean the beach, raise some awareness about the environment, make some money, have some fun. It’s a win-win-win-win situation.”
    To my delight, my Maid sisters/sister Maids started getting excited:
    Mallory, quite surprisingly, kicked it off. “Y’all! This is so creative! No Magnolia Maid Court has ever done anything like this!”
    â€œI know! Let’s go door-to-door asking people for donations. Set up a booth at the mall!” cried Brandi Lyn.
    â€œPeople all over the country are worried about this. We could set up at all the local tourist attractions so that out-of-towners can donate, too!” added Caroline.
    â€œAnd don’t forget corporate sponsors,” Zara said. “My parents will definitely chip in.”
    Mallory gasped with delight. “Oh my gosh! This would be so perfect to get the dandies involved with, right, Ashley?”
    Ashley, meanwhile, had been receding into the wings of her power chair, the expression on her face turning increasingly sour as our conversation escalated. “I don’t know if my complexion can take a whole day in the sun like that.”
    â€œWe’ll take breaks in the shade,” I countered.
    That did NOT appease her. “And I have one question.” She leveled a death stare at Zara, like a viper ready to strike. “Why don’t you tell us all the truth? How much did your daddy pay to get you on the Court?”
    Talk about a conversation killer. It was so awful. We all just sat there in stunned silence. No one knew where to look. My eyes searched out poor Zara, who was managing to look incredibly serene, but it was obvious that her comfort level had sunk from tolerable to nonexistent.
    I fixed Ashley with a death stare of my own. “You know what, Ashley? Uncool. You’re out of line.”
    â€œIt’s a legitimate question.”
    â€œIt’s totally rude and uncalled for and you know it.” I turned to the circle of girls. “I move that we change the subject before things get any more inappropriate. What about this queen business? Anyone have any thoughts?”
    Ashley nudged Mallory’s leg with her foot.
    â€œOw! What? Oh! I nominate Ashley for queen.”
    Ashley acted ridiculously demure, especially given how rude she’d just been. “Oh, Mallory. Wow. I’m so honored.”
    â€œI can’t think of anyone better to be a queen. Don’t you agree, Caroline?” Mallory nudged Caroline with her foot.
    Caroline glanced up