Free Believe by Liz Botts

hard she snorts, which only makes her laugh harder.
    â€œOf magic.” My clarification only fans the flames. I’m about to stomp out of the kitchen when Gran forces herself to sober up.
    â€œI’m sorry, dear, but that was too funny. No. No, you are not under the influence of any magic. The elders forbade anyone from helping you convince Nick. You are entirely on your own.” She pauses and wipes more tears of amusement out of her eyes. “I’m glad to hear you are feeling friendlier toward Nick.”
    Embarrassed, I look away. Gran coaxes me to the table to eat my breakfast, cajoling me the whole time with silly stories about my granddad. As she cleans up the breakfast dishes, I pull out a dishtowel and dry.
    As I put the last one away, Gran says, "Why don't you go get your coat on and we'll go see your granddad."
    My heart starts to race and a whole new reality opens before me. Family I never knew about. Suddenly I want to tell all my sisters, get them here somehow so they can meet these people who we thought didn't exist. Another odd pang of homesickness washes over me.
    As I shrug on my coat, a dangerous thought flits into my brain. It's a partial daydream of sorts, of me and Nick clustered around a modest but beautiful Christmas tree with a few tow-headed children. Carnivorous butterflies invade my stomach. To be a family with Nick is what I’m destined to do, not by my choice, but my daydream makes me want that. To choose it.
    I'm still puzzling over this thought when I follow Gran out to the car. A layer of snow had fallen overnight, but that doesn't deter Gran from using her lead foot to get us to town on in record time. As she pulls up at a pretty, Victorian inspired building, I suddenly feel like I'm going to be sick, the nerves have gotten so bad.
    "Will Granddad know me?" The fear that he won't have any clue who I am is hard to voice aloud, but I need to know.
    Gran smiles at me. "He'll know you from what I’ve told him about you."
    "Okay." I exhale the breath I didn't know I was holding.
    I follow Gran into the spacious lobby decorated lavishly for the Christmas season. A tree that must be at least twenty-five feet tall stands near a beautiful open staircase. To my right a small sitting room is full of elderly residents gathered around a roaring fire. Everything about this place seems cozy, but I feel sad that my grandfather lives here and not with Gran.
    Residents walking through greet Gran. One woman stops to chat, telling Gran that Santa has stopped by for a visit. Gran's face freezes in a mask of cordiality. I know that underneath that smile she fears Granddad has spilled the beans, which would make people think he is crazy.
    Then I hear the laugh that is becoming uncomfortably familiar to me. "Nick's here," I say softly to Gran, pleased to see her instantly relax. "I'm going to go say hi before I meet Granddad, okay?"
    With a barely concealed smile of joy, Gran nods, biting her lip so as not to give her opinion about any of this.
    Following the sound of carols and laughter, I find Nick and quite a crowd gathered at tables in what must be the dining room. Nick has his costume on and sits at the piano playing a rousing rendition of "Santa Claus is Coming to Town."
    When he finishes, everyone applauds and Nick turns to face the room again. He catches sight of me, grins, and says, “Ladies and gentleman, I have a special guest joining me this evening. This is Virginia.”
    Suddenly all eyes in the room are trained on me, and I can feel a blush creeping up my neck. I give a small wave.
    Nick continues as he motions for me to join him on the piano bench. I shake my head as he says, “Why don’t you come join me for the next song?”
    "No, I couldn't. I don't sing Christmas carols," I protest.
    "Oh, please do. I'd love to hear you sing," a voice behind me chimes in. Something about the voice feels familiar, and I turn to see an older gentleman with a short white